Five Thoughts about Mommy and Winter Days


 1 We are saving money by not buying clothes.

My youngest daughter wants to wear jammies all day, every day. My oldest daughter likes to  wear the same dress every day and since no ones sees us, it’s a win win! At least that’s what I  tell myself when we stop at Dunkin Donuts, Panera, Target, and other places on the days we  can leave the house!  On that note, when I am able to get out of this prison, it does feel like a  free for all- it’s like if you’ve been on a strict diet for months, avoiding carbs, sweets, and fried  goodies, and then you have your first taste of french fries or a gooey, fudgy brownie with a  decadent chocolate frosting – and all hell breaks lose…you started with just one bite and then  suddenly the speed at which your forking food into your mouth starts rapidly increasing and  you are shoving cookies and chips into your mouth at this point and basically in heaven, all the  deprivation that you instilled on yourself melting away…

Oh, got a little carried away there with that description…it’s just I’ve been there done that with  the diet/cutting out thing; granted, my quitting of foods whether it be sweets, bagels, snacks, or  wine never lasts more than a week, or shamefully, less than a week, but still-when you feel  trapped in any way, be it your house, your food restrictions, your ability to use your car (I HOPE  THIS PROBLEM IS RESOLVED BY NEXT WEEK !) You can go hog wild when you’re free, but  maybe that’s just me.

2  My kids now have no toys

It’s a bad habit I have, purging, cleaning, and throwing away toys, clothes, arts and crafts, you name it- I throw it out when feeling trapped and a slight loss of control.

My friend was here visiting the other day and said to me, “Where are all of the toys? It looks like you just moved in!”

Pitfalls to this habit…

“Mom, why is my pumkin project in the garbage can?”

“Mom- Mom, look what I found in the garbage- another princess toy! This is so cool-

someone is starting to leave us presents in the garbage can!

–     “Playdate at Jill’s house …But Mommy- their house is no fun- they don’t have any


–     You have to be really creative when home all day with your kids…Hmmm, let’s see, what do       we have to play with?- Dried macaroni and bowls- perfect!- “Come on girls- were pretending       we’re cooks!”

3 Way, way too much eating/drinking

The very first flake graces the ground and I have the flour, the mixing bowl out, the oven on and  I’m checking my wine supplies! (Which are becoming alarmingly low)

4 I have adopted a work uniform.

Much like people in jail wear their orange jumpsuit, nurses wear their scrubs, and police officers working for the good of the city, wear their big badges and buttons, I too, wear my black yoga pants, a tank, and a purple, velour, zip up hoody, sometimes I even wear the same thing to bed.

(I know what your thinking, that woman’s poor husband!) Actually, I have been called out by Gia- “Mom, your still in your pajamas!”)

I feel like being trapped in the house lends itself to a uniform- I am like the jailbird (enclosed in these walls), I am a nurse, tending to these girls all day, and definitely a cop, breaking up toddler fights, ensuring the little ones safety, and putting them in jail (time out) when need be.

5 I feel like I’m on a reality TV show

The premise: Stay at home mom never leaves the house, watch her turn tricks and see her roller coaster of emotions throughout the day… She goes from happy, loving mommy to crazed, frustrated, and on the verge of exploding, to looking like a zombie, or kind of blank feeling (i.e. staring out the window for long periods of time) to a compulsive cleaning freak to a laid back and loving the mess, to a snuggler and a cuddler to a GET AWAY FROM ME NOW to a “Let’s have sandwiches cut up in cute ways!” to a frustrated momma flinging food on the table to a Super Mom to Soggy Mom. ok, well, I don’t think I have ever been in the “super” category but soggy for sure, especially after I give the girls their third bath for the day- Hey, it’s an activity and I haven’t thrown out the bath tub – just the bath toys – but those get so gross, has anyone ever squeezed those plastic little duckies that should squirt water out only to find out that flakes of black mildew come shooting out?  GROSS!     

So that’s that the show folks and this TV show is for mature viewing audiences only.


Frustrated Stay at Home Mom

Just yesterday I was thinking to myself, you know what, being a stay at home mom is easy- I mean, truly, I don’t have any deadlines, I don’t have a boss breathing down my back, I don’t have annoying coworkers to deal with, I don’t have to commute, I don’t have the stress of having to bring home the bacon…

But after a day like today, I am in shock that I even had those thoughts…

The morning started out with a broken glass, shattered on the kitchen table and all over the tile- glass and liquid everywhere.  I frantically tried to sweep it up, clearly disturbed, and Gia says to me, “But Mommy, your taking too long and I’m huuuungry!”

I looked at her with anger saying “Do you not see what I am doing? Cleaning up the glass that you broke so you don’t step on the slivers that will have us running to the hospital where you will have to get a needle so big….”

“Mom, you left the glass there so it’s your fault,” she retorted.

This statement so eloquently spoken by my daughter was the beginning of my day.  We have a contractor here doing work and my daughter is petrified of any noise that he makes, whether it be banging on the walls , a drill sound, or just his mere presence causes her to scream and cry and run for Mommy- sounds cute doesn’t it but not while you are trying to get two girls dressed and fed and out the door and forget about brushing teeth!

After music class which was still very early in this long day – a 9:30 am class, I temporarily lost my keys- its freezing cold here in New Jersey, I have the two year old in my arms, and I can’t find my car keys anywhere, I am embarrassed to admit I started to tear up, AGAIN…It must be my hormones but I cried a little on the way to music class, Pink’s Just Give Me a Reason blaring in the car, which always makes me cry, just blubbering about how is this my morning over and over again- the rushing, the crying, the frustration, the TOO SMALL clothes- these kids are growing like weeds!

Thank goodness for my friend in music class who actually got out of her car to help me look and she said, “You need another set of eyes.” After searching high and low, she found them in my daughter’s winter coat pocket.

I must have absent mindedly put them in there while busy moaning about my life…

We had a few errands to run in the morning while Gia was at school and it was the usual temper tantrums and such …the day moved on with crying and hysterics on the garage floor, refusing to come inside because I un – snapped her myself.

At this point I was already pooped out but I was invited to a play date- someone I never had a play date with before so I couldn’t cancel on her- first impressions are the most important ones, right? Well, I screwed that one up or rather my two darlings did…get back to that in a second.

In the few hours that we had before heading over to new friend’s house, my daughter, who tortured us with non stop vomiting for a year and a half straight when putting her to bed, decided to revert back to her old ways and hurl the contents of every thing she ate all over my kitchen floor- the reason- I yelled at her, yup, I lost my temper on her, after she insisted on icing the cookies that I made for the play date herself- but the problem was that she was icing and then licking the spoon and the bowl and telling Arianna that she couldn’t help which resulted in major screaming and crying…just writing this is making my heartbeat faster! This is so hard! How do moms do this???

Oh right…they have their children in school for more than two days a week and only two and a half hours at that- I am the only Mom that I know who is basically home all day with these children, and by that I mean children of this age- I know that there are moms who are doing the home schooling thing but they must have some secret, or help, or a husband who comes home at a decent hour!  

We cleaned up, Gia took a mega fast bath to clean off the puke- made it to the play date – the girls were terrible! Arianna screamed and cried when she didn’t get her way and Gia flat out hit me with her dress up magic wand when I said we had to leave…Arianna threw her typical kicking and screaming and thrashing of her legs when I tried to change her diaper, which is always fun at someone else’s house!

The day didn’t get much better and the icing on the cake was the call from my husband saying first he was going to be late and second, his car was dead at the train station.

I didn’t even feel like writing this post because I am tired, frustrated, and to be perfectly honest, sick of writing about these sort of days which seem to happen ever so frequently- I love these girls, I hate these situations.

Something has to change…



What the flute

I am exhausted, and not just the I’ve had a long day kind of tired but a feeling that part of my brain, the part that is supposed to have parental know how is completely stretched out.

I have listened to a four year old cry, plead, throw herself on the floor, and run out into the street  – all for a dollar plastic harmonica…

Today is Tuesday and as I stated before, we planned on doing something thoughtful for Too Kind Tuesdays.  Since we had leftover marshmallows from yesterday’s craft, we made purple, heart shaped rice krispie treats.  We were giving them to Gia’s best friend, who we were meeting with, along with her mom and baby sister at Dunkin Donuts.

Creatively decorating a Lorna doone cookie box

Gia wrote her a little note and then we used a cookie box, covered it in tin foil and decorated it with stickers.

Love note
Looks like Valentine’s Day came early

Gia’s friend got her special box and we were going to have a nice afternoon.

Coffee in hand, donuts on the table, we were happy as could be…that is…for five minutes until four sugar crazed girls were running amok, giggling and playing, actually more like screaming- they all have Italian in their blood- they’re loud!  

We grabbed our coffees and skedaddled out to the dollar store.  Another brilliant idea – taking little children into stores with tons of little, plastic toys – recipe for disaster.

Take a look around at Moms’ faces in stores- they are typically reprimanding their children, explaining to them why they can’t have something, or just tense and waiting – holding their breath and praying they can get out without a temper tantrum.

“I want three toys,” demanded Gia.

No, I said, “You only get one toy.”

“I make the rules and I get three,”said Gia.

“I’m sorry Gia but I said you get one toy for ten stickers from your teeth brushing chart,” I said.

“You’re the meanest mom ever,” Gia pouted, and then said, “I make the rules and I get three toys.”

“Gia, you won’t get any toys if you continue on this way,” I said, feeling slightly frustrated.

“Ok I want this flute and the princess castle,” she came up with.

“I said one toy!” My blood was beginning to boil as we went back and forth about this.

“Ok I’ll take the flute,” she finally consented.

“Thank goodness,” I thought to myself because I was about to lose it!

We make it to the register, pay for the flute, and I open the package for her.  She plays with it for no less than a minute says, “I don’t want the flute anymore. I don’t like it. I really wanted the harmonica.”

I feel myself go white and have a sinking feeling as I realize the worst is yet to come.

I take a deep breath and calmly say, “I’m sorry you don’t like the flute but you chose it, maybe next time we can get the harmonica.”

Tears, rage, and defiance fill this adorable little face of hers.  A sweet puppy transformed into a ferocious bull dog.

“I don’t want this anymore, I don’t like this flute. I want the harmonica!!! Please, please, please,” she is literally throwing herself at me now.

We manage to get outside and the fit of rage continues on the sidewalk.  She is pressed up against the store front, bright red, and crying. ( I am seeing activist in her future with her arms spread wide in front of a National Park trying to end destruction of trees…)

This goes on quite a while as visions of big glasses of delicious wine dance in my head, as well as a bubbly, hot pizza so I don’t have to make dinner, and Grandma taking them away for a sleepover…

Ok- focus Jill- “What should I do? Should I just go in and buy the damn harmonica or do I be the tough mommy, sticking to my guns…This could be over in seconds if I simply buy that little piece of plastic that costs one dollar and will most likely break anyway – but I can’t, no I can’t, “ I am in charge, I am the boss,” I say to myself like some desperate dodo practicing what they repeatedly listened to from a self-help audio book.

I choose not to buy the harmonica.  I pick that writhing, mad little bundle up, and force her into the car, strap her and her sister in, start the car, and do my best to ignore the screams and pleadings to “Please, please, please can we go back and get the harmonica!”

The rest of the evening wasn’t the most relaxing ever but G finally managed to move past this tragedy in her life.  And you know how, (don’t know why I didn’t think of this before- I told her that Daddy played the flute when he was little and I’m sure he would be so excited to hear her play).

And that is the conclusion of this Too Kind Tuesday… now I am going to be kind to myself and put my feet up, read, and relax…

“Moooomy, Moooomy, Mommy- help- Ari pooped in the bath and it is so so disgusting.”     Well, maybe not.