Two tired, weary moms are having coffee, sharing and complaining about their struggles with motherhood. One of the moms says admittedly, “I wish I could be like Wendy.”
“Wendy has it all together. She’s always prepared, organized, on time, and her kids look immaculate.”
To these two moms, Wendy is their secret role model. The goal they aspire to be. I think many moms sometimes feel that someone else appears to have it all together.
I, for one, have been guilty of this every now and again. Looking at someone and deciding that, “Yes, that other person is doing a better job or has their shit together,” so to speak.
I came across this article, entitled “The Downside to Being the Mom Who Has it All Together.” Link at the bottom
The basis is that the woman who appears to have it all together and actually, self admittedly, does have it all together, confesses that she is often stressed and unhappy.
The thing is there is no black and white, right or wrong, in a loving mommy/child relationship.
The thing is there is no black and white, right or wrong, in a loving mommy/child relationship.
Here is a look at ten different mommy parenting personalities, all of which are different, yet perfectly perfect.
1.Open the door to Messy Margaret’s MiniVan and you might need to shovel through the wrappers and empty water-bottles to find a clean place to sit. Maybe you’re getting a ride from Neurotic Nelly and she shoots you daggers because you are halfway through your breakfast sandwich and dared to bring it in her spotless car. She vacuums after every car trip with the kids and can barely focus on the road if her car is a crumb fest. Two completely different personalities but neither is right. Maybe Messy Margaret has way more patience than Neurotic Nelly who is more on edge than most. Two different ways of doing things but love their children fiercely, with all their hearts, and neither needs to change anything. They are perfectly perfect.
2. Harriet High Powered Career and Susie Stay at Home Mom are both doing their thing on a weekday. Harriet is trying to sit through a meeting of blah, blah, blah boringness while Susie is tempering a tantrum in the check out aisle of Target! Both moms are in the midst of a manic Monday and both will get through their days with the usual highs and lows, and at the end of the day both moms come home to their kids and love them with all of their hearts. Neither chosen path is the perfect one but both are perfectly perfect moms.
3.Organic everything Olivia spends countless hours online researching the latest harmful additive or chemical to avoid before she cheerfully heads to Whole Foods carrying with her re usable grocery bag. On the other hand, Whatever’s on Sale Wendy wings it at Wegmans without a list. She buys and serves what looks good! Think one is better or more right than the other! Nope ! They are both perfectly perfect and they love their children with all their hearts, no matter what is on the menu!
4.It’s midnight and Co-sleeper Colleen is tossing and turning and trembling in the midst of a nightmare and she reaches over for someone or something comforting and cuddly. A little body is next to her and it’s her little munchkin curled up sweet as can be. Mom is most likely more of a comfort to her…perhaps Colleen needed more of a comfort in the form of a penis this time, but this is what she chose for her parenting style. Meanwhile, next door, in Old Fashioned Olga’s bedroom, her little boy is trying to climb into bed with her but Olga won’t have it! She believes that children must sleep in their own beds and there is a definite separation between parent and children. Guess what! Despite what well meaning friends and relatives like to think, and feel the right to voice their opinions, both are doing the right thing and are perfectly perfect and the love from mom is just plain perfect.
5. Hand Me Down Hannah does the happy dance when she gets a bag of clothes brimming with clothes in good condition. She is not into brands or status. She’s just damn happy to save money and time by not having to go to the mall! On the other side of the fashion parade is Bonnie loves a good boutique. She prides herself on outfitting her children in super trendy, fabulous outfits, often matching the kids in similar color schemes, and posting them all over Instagram. Of course the majority of moms fall in the middle, but again, the point is neither mom is “killing it” in the parenting department just because one dresses and shows off their kids while the other is thrifty and prides herself on a good deal!
6. Sign up for everything Susie can’t resist a bake sale to bake for or a new PTO committee to chair. She just loves getting involved and talking to other parents about causes and concerns for her children. She feels that by being extremely involved she is performing her parenting role to a T. Meanwhile,Watch from the Sidelines Wendy isn’t one to volunteer. She’s shy, introverted, and easily overwhelmed. It’s easy to look at Wendy and perhaps make a judgement that she not doing enough, but in Wendy’s world, she is doing the best she can and is the perfect parent.
7. Hovering Hilda is a helicopter mommy! She can actually feel the thirst on her kid’s mouth and rushes to quench little Henry’s mouth. Hilda watches her son like a hawk at the playground, always behind, next to, and above. She worries if he’s hot, tired, or hungry and just can’t stop herself from hovering. Meanwhile, Fend For Yourself Francesca hasn’t a clue where her son is and isn’t too concerned. She’s chatting with a friend, lost in thought, laughing about something funny. “What’s the worst thing that can happen?” is Francesca’s mantra. Francesca isn’t obsessed with her son’s life. She doesn’t badger her kid about who he played with at recess and who’s playing with who. She’s just chill and believes what will be, will be. The difference between these two parenting styles is quite different. In fact the difference here is enough to strike of the chords of gossip with the moms for sure! Moms just love to chit chat and judge. But like I said before, neither is correct or better than the other, as much as we tend to want to think that. Both parents are amazing and have a “perfect for them” love for their children no matter how involved they are.
8.Pushy Penelope encourages her kids to sign up for almost every extracurricular activity that she can possibly fit into hers and her kids schedule. She is at every practice, watching every movement her kids make, eager to offer a full assessment and critique of their triumphs and fumbles. She checks homework, encourages her kids to do extra credit, pushes them into enrichment courses, and is constantly in her kids’ faces pushing them to study more, making sure they completed every last word problem, paragraph, and Venn diagram! Across the street at Laid Back Linda’s house, the kids are in their rooms, alone, doing their homework, after playing outside on their bikes. Linda is downstairs enjoying a glass of wine, watching Entertainment Tonight, feet up, and not worrying about her kids or their homework. She doesn’t obsessively pressure them to study more and is perfectly happy to have them play after school, not concerned that they aren’t in tons of activities. I can see where someone might think that one mom style is better than the other, even I am guilty of judging at times, thinking a certain way is better, but the thing is there is no right or wrong when you love your child more than anything. And most times, your kids will end up choosing their own path despite your chosen parenting style.
9.The Tacos are on the table, Share Everything Sharon spoons sour cream onto her son’s plate and proceeds to tell him all about her day, not sparing any detail, even going so far to tell him about her gynecologist appointment! (I know ! A little TMI ) but for Sharon, it’s just her way! She believes her children are a part of her and that includes telling them everything, including interactions she had with people and what she ate for lunch! Perhaps her kids might not appreciate all these minute details but Sharon keeps on going! Across the street, Keep it to Yourself Kendra listens to her children chit chat about the day, laughs at stories and does her thing in the kitchen. She doesn’t think her kids need to know about her life, even if they ask. She keeps it to herself and you know what, neither one is better than the other! Both mommy styles have nothing to do with the love they have with their kids and that’s truly all that matters.
10.Debra Disciplinarian has always showed her kids who is top dog! She runs a tight ship and if her kids even dare to act up, she gives them “the look” and they back right down. She’s a rule enforcer, extremely old fashioned, and her kids know how to behave and exactly what will happen if they don’t! Across the river, Go with the Flow Gloria takes it as it comes. If her kids misbehave, she thinks about it, maybe she does something, maybe she doesn’t. She operates on a relaxed schedule. Gloria doesn’t feel the need to have her children scared of her or following rules strict as soldiers! And again, as much as our brains are in overdrive and we can’t wrap our heads around the fact that surely one is better than the other, we are simply wrong in our thinking. There simply is no wrong or right, better than, or stronger than in parenting!
If we are there for our kids, we listen, we show up, we connect, and communicate with them, we are doing a pretty damn good job, and we are all perfectly perfect.
This is the link to the article I referenced in my post.