I shouldn’t complain about this but…relaxation is hard!

I have to admit that I am feeling a little anxious…like pacing the floors, twiddling my thumbs, I even mopped the floor today! ugh… And if anyone remembers an old post about mopping, I HATE mopping- worst chore ever! Isn’t the word chore funny! Reminds me of farmer Jill saying “Do your chores kids…”


Last week was crazy busy… Gia had so many activities, her final show day for gymnastics.


Hawaii Day at school –

Plus I baked oatmeal cookie sandwiches, and chocolate chip Heath Bar blondies! Yum!

Why is it that I pick the weeks that I have to watch the sweets to torture myself with the mouth watering smells of chocolate and butter wafting through my kitchen….my twenty year high school reunion was this past Saturday – but then again, we women have a few tricks up our sleeves to hide those flaws… Unfortunately, the beach is only months away, and yikes! This body Is NOT READY! I seriously need to put the whisk down and stop baking… But I am addicted… I love the baking aisle! I find comfort in bags of chocolate chips, sacks of brown sugar, and flour.

Plus my scrumptious sweets make everyone happy! Well, maybe not everyone – I’m sure they’re those that roll their eyes when they see me coming – oh great, here comes Jill with her fucking cookies! Namely, my husband who would much rather a gourmet meal, but that ain’t gonna happen! Ok, it might…but that’s for the next chapter in life – crazy mom baker falls in love with Cornish Game Hens with rosemary and garlic and Filet Mignon with a Balsamic Reduction …. Mmm, that actually sounds exciting, but scares me…

And what was I even starting this post about… Oh right, anxious, you see, the hectic week has passed, my reunion was last night and it was so much fun, my amazingly helpful in laws were here helping out while I got pampered- nails, pedicure ( the leg massage felt so good that I actually started to cry…does that ever happen to you stressed out women? Like when you finally get to relax or do something for yourself, you just want to let it all out and cry and hug the Korean man or woman – although, they would probably not be too keen on that…

My mom in law finished up and folded all of my laundry! It was so fabulous, not to mention that this was the second weekend in a row they were here… Pure heaven. I got to go out and feel beautiful for two Saturdays in a row!

The strangest thing is going on today, I feel out of sorts… Without purpose – relaxation and I are not friends… Having craziness calm down, feeling kind of empty, and not stressed makes me want to… Scream, eat, worry about the fact that I don’t have any interesting hobbies, feel bored, want to get a job —- hahaha, not really! But, the point is that as a mom, I often feel on auto pilot, catering to their needs, calming their fights, wiping their butts and as much as I dream of a break, once I get it, I don’t know what to do with myself!

Mother’s Day Thoughts

She kissed your boo boos, packed your lunches, took you shopping for your first day of school outfit… All the typical mommy ish things we think about when we say the word mommy.

Moms are great, moms take care of you, feed you, take you places, and cheer for you on the sidelines, but the emotional connection is far greater than making lunch and baking cookies. A mother is one of, quite possibly, the most influential person in a child’s life.

My daughter is only four but she came home from school a few weeks ago so upset that a boy did not like her. She was crestfallen, head slumped over, nothing like the usual Gia that I pick up from school, big smile, giddy with excitement and eager to show me her work. I realized, then and there, that she is going to need me for a very long time, for support, a listening ear and an open heart, or for right now, simply a lap to snuggle up in and hide from the world for a bit.

I talked to her about this boy and a few reasons why he wasn’t interested (Good Lord , she’s four!) and it’s amazing how you are just thrown into this and suddenly the things you say are probably going to impact her for a long time, possibly a lifetime? Not sure about this, none of us can be sure …but definitely, for a large part of her life.

I hope to God that the words from my mouth mean something to her, resonate with her, and if need be, change her outlook on sad or frustrating situations, or cause her to appreciate her beautiful self.

Lately, she has been looking at herself in the mirror, a lot, and I watch her smiling, twirling, laughing, and making funny faces…and a torrent of emotions hits me like a crashing wave…
Will she always be so happy with herself? Maybe, maybe not. Will she always be completely carefree and silly? Most likely, there will be a sprinkling of sad days and disappointments. Will she look at herself and wish she could change something about herself? Perhaps, because sadly, we live in an appearance obsessed society.

It’s my job to make her feel beautiful, worthy, and valued as a girl, teenager, and strong woman… But it begins now…every day, by paying attention, creating meaningful moments, and encouraging her to love herself, express herself, to not give up, and mostly to be a role model.

I am indeed a “work in progress” but I am striving to be the woman that I want her to look up to – strong, fearless, kind, calm, assertive, self sufficient, secure, confident, and above all, happy. Looks like I have my work cut out for me!

With that being said, I would like to share some of my friends’ comments and thoughts about their mothers.

“It means the world to me that I have a mom that I can call a friend. Any problems that come my way or funny stories that happened with me, the kids, etc… I can go to her and tell her knowing she’ll gladly listen & offer advice if that’s what I need. A time she was really there for me was after losing Kylee. After sitting home with Jim for a week only leaving the house to get cookies & sandwiches from our favorite bakery, Jim had to get back to work & a routine. I was not ready for some time to return to work. I had visits from family & friends but that was not everyday but it was mom who was there to keep me busy & my mind off of not having Kylee. She is my favorite shopping partner & we did alot of shopping…lol. She would take the 45 min drive out to me (or I would go by her occasionally for change of scenery). She took the time out of her daily routines to be with me. We have had terrific family vacations together with so many laughs & those memories & stories will stick with me forever.”

“My mom is wonderful because she’s caring, loving, always there when I need her, and will do anything for anyone. She is just the best mom!!!”

“I decided to separate from hubby #1 during the fall, which is my favorite time of year. Leaves were falling and so was my world. I was so crushed. I remember telling my mom that the hardest part of the whole thing was that I was afraid the experience was going to ruin my favorite time of year and that I would never welcome the fall season the same way again. The following year, when I bought a new townhouse and was starting to get back on my feet after the whole ordeal my mom sent me a huge care package of all things fall: new candles, new front door wreath, funky fall decorations, new scarves, etc. I remember the card said something like, “Things change, but you remain the same.” Now I love the fall season even more because instead of reminding me of that dark period of my life, it reminds of everything I have, including the love of my mom. Moral of the story: Moms know exactly what you need and when you need it.”

“One thought I had today was that I usually feel lonely and don’t have any friends to hang out with (like to grab a cup of coffee or shop with), but my mom has always been there for me. A couple of weeks ago, she gave a me a kitchen towel that says, “A daughter is just a little girl who grows up to be your best friend.” I hope Izzy feels the same about me when she’s older.”

“Happy Mother’s Day to my mom. No matter what or how far – you are always there. There is not a day I don’t wish we lived closer.
Thank you for all you do for me and our family – you are an amazing mom, grandma and friend xoxo”

“My Mom is quite simply, the woman I aspire to be. She is kind, generous, thoughtful, funny, and always picks up the phone when I call, or calls right back, watches my children when I need help, never complains, and I love this woman to the moon and back.”

“To be at my childhood home, on my Mom’s couch, is pure heaven. To feel her comforting hugs, see her gentle, kind eyes, and feel relaxed, free, like she can take the weight off my shoulders ….that is what I think of when I think of Mom.”

This picture was sent from a friend and says that she can add so much more to this description and even that wouldn’t even be enough to describe her mom….

AND, the last and final thoughts are for my Mom…

You read all my posts.
You always pick up the phone.
You listen to me to infinity and beyond.
You have taught me not to settle, to go after what I want, to make decisions that are good for me.
You picked me off the floor, at a time when I didn’t care if I ever saw the sun again.
You buy me jewelry.
You buy me an awesome bag every year on my birthday:)
You help with the kids when your in Jersey…when Dad hasn’t booked you on a cruise, a second cruise, another cruise, an African Safari, Atlantic City Blackjack tournament, or stashed you away in sunny Florida for months at a time…
You inspire me to be strong, assertive, and to not give a damn what other people think.
You encourage me to embrace myself, look my best, to buy nice things to wear, and to feel good about me.
You are beautiful, giving, and worthy of all you have and more.

Screw you – people pleasing problem!

I’ve been doing my research, talking to some peeps about my little problem, well soon to be NOT A PROBLEM! Ya know, the situation that I wrote about the other day…

People pleasing

I absolutely love my Mom’s advice – “Embrace your caring personality and on occasion feel free to tell a few people to go F themselves!” Ha – don’t you just love hearing your momma tell it like it is!

I hear it and I’m going to follow it… Since I wrote the post, and gosh, I apologize for these therapy type pieces… Sometime, late night, all comfy, cozy on my couch, with the lights dimly lit, I just write, let it out, and hit Publish.
I go to sleep, wake up, see comments from readers, and suddenly it hits me, ugh! I just wrote all this personal stuff and now everyone knows how crazy I am!

Then again, they already know!

So, like I was saying, since I wrote this post, I had a few friends reach out (love you) and give me some advice/thoughts… And I can honestly say I feel like I can tackle the world… I feel more free.

I still love to bake for people and do things for friends but I need to take a few minutes to stop and think, is this a good idea for me? for my family? and for the general flow of our daily life?

Let me explain this for a minute… I am impulsive (shocker!) and I love to create… For example, for Easter, I decided to make some treats.


An Easter Egg shaped cake, which should have been enough, but then I had to make something with chocolate, you know, for those that like chocolate…So had to get to the store, had to buy the little one treats, while buying baking items, to prevent meltdown in store ( long story- it had been a trying day – she doesn’t give me a tantrum every single time we go out… Just most times! ) So, there’s that, and then the entire next day, making these treats with the kids and all the chocolate the little one ate, and it took me ALL DAY… And so on and so forth- no need to bore you with the minutiae of my life and our candy debacles… But the fact that Ari doesn’t eat well rests a lot on my shoulders… She’s used to chocolate chips and the oven full of baked goodies….


I asked a few people recently about some incidents where I was concerned that I annoyed them. Last week I was two hours late to a birthday party. I had already called my friend and told her I was going to be late… But because of a few personal situations, we were super late. I was seriously speeding and kept thinking about how late we were and how terrible that is of me… So, I put my children’s safety at jeopardy and just lost two hours of my day fretting.

I decided to ask this friend exactly what she thought when I arrived at the party…

“A few things: 1. I honestly didn’t realize that you were 2 hours late as people were rolling in at various times 2. You already told me about swimming so I expected you to be late 3. I also read your blog regularly and know how challenging it can be with the girls so I was just happy that you guys made it.”

I also asked another friend what she would have thought if I came to her house empty handed! meaning wine for sure! but no cookies…

My exact message…

“For my own personal sanity knowledge…. Scenario : I walk in to your house without any baked goods… Do u think ” that lazy bitch” or “hi friend” !!!! Or secretly ‘where are my cookies?’ ”
She responded, “Are you serious? You’re a freak. Honestly I probably would just think how good it is to see you and how many glasses of wine we’ll drink.”

Third friend I asked about canceling on her sort of last minute for a play date and what she really thought…

She said, “Honestly, I thought nothing of it – I understand, even if you were just having an off day and didn’t feel like company, I seriously think nothing of it!”

So there you have it. I’m sure that’s how most people think and if they don’t, need to adopt Mom’s mantra- f them ! Because, I just need to get over this!



I love giving but if it’s not going to be good for us- you’re up shit’s creek – you don’t get my goodies!