I’ve been doing my research, talking to some peeps about my little problem, well soon to be NOT A PROBLEM! Ya know, the situation that I wrote about the other day…
I absolutely love my Mom’s advice – “Embrace your caring personality and on occasion feel free to tell a few people to go F themselves!” Ha – don’t you just love hearing your momma tell it like it is!
I hear it and I’m going to follow it… Since I wrote the post, and gosh, I apologize for these therapy type pieces… Sometime, late night, all comfy, cozy on my couch, with the lights dimly lit, I just write, let it out, and hit Publish.
I go to sleep, wake up, see comments from readers, and suddenly it hits me, ugh! I just wrote all this personal stuff and now everyone knows how crazy I am!
Then again, they already know!
So, like I was saying, since I wrote this post, I had a few friends reach out (love you) and give me some advice/thoughts… And I can honestly say I feel like I can tackle the world… I feel more free.
I still love to bake for people and do things for friends but I need to take a few minutes to stop and think, is this a good idea for me? for my family? and for the general flow of our daily life?
Let me explain this for a minute… I am impulsive (shocker!) and I love to create… For example, for Easter, I decided to make some treats.
An Easter Egg shaped cake, which should have been enough, but then I had to make something with chocolate, you know, for those that like chocolate…So had to get to the store, had to buy the little one treats, while buying baking items, to prevent meltdown in store ( long story- it had been a trying day – she doesn’t give me a tantrum every single time we go out… Just most times! ) So, there’s that, and then the entire next day, making these treats with the kids and all the chocolate the little one ate, and it took me ALL DAY… And so on and so forth- no need to bore you with the minutiae of my life and our candy debacles… But the fact that Ari doesn’t eat well rests a lot on my shoulders… She’s used to chocolate chips and the oven full of baked goodies….
I asked a few people recently about some incidents where I was concerned that I annoyed them. Last week I was two hours late to a birthday party. I had already called my friend and told her I was going to be late… But because of a few personal situations, we were super late. I was seriously speeding and kept thinking about how late we were and how terrible that is of me… So, I put my children’s safety at jeopardy and just lost two hours of my day fretting.
I decided to ask this friend exactly what she thought when I arrived at the party…
“A few things: 1. I honestly didn’t realize that you were 2 hours late as people were rolling in at various times 2. You already told me about swimming so I expected you to be late 3. I also read your blog regularly and know how challenging it can be with the girls so I was just happy that you guys made it.”
I also asked another friend what she would have thought if I came to her house empty handed! meaning wine for sure! but no cookies…
My exact message…
“For my own personal sanity knowledge…. Scenario : I walk in to your house without any baked goods… Do u think ” that lazy bitch” or “hi friend” !!!! Or secretly ‘where are my cookies?’ ”
She responded, “Are you serious? You’re a freak. Honestly I probably would just think how good it is to see you and how many glasses of wine we’ll drink.”
Third friend I asked about canceling on her sort of last minute for a play date and what she really thought…
She said, “Honestly, I thought nothing of it – I understand, even if you were just having an off day and didn’t feel like company, I seriously think nothing of it!”
So there you have it. I’m sure that’s how most people think and if they don’t, need to adopt Mom’s mantra- f them ! Because, I just need to get over this!
I love giving but if it’s not going to be good for us- you’re up shit’s creek – you don’t get my goodies!
One thought on “Screw you – people pleasing problem!”
Epiphanies are great. Aren’t they ?? Love u Mom
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