Not Coping and Society’s Role

Last night I looked at comments on my post and one family member mentioned the word coping.  Hmmm, coping, I know what that is- I cope, I guess, well, actually, maybe not so much, not really sure, so I looked it up. After reading the definition, I don’t think I cope at all.

The definition of coping is to face and deal with responsibilities, problems, or difficulties, especially successfully or in a calm or adequate manner.

I’ve never been a good coper (is that a word?) I’ve been a good faker though, always smiling.  My mind is usually in constant turmoil, coming up with endless ideas of how I can feel better or what I can I figure out to make situations better.  I google topics, write in my journal, and have read tons of those dang self-help books!

Perhaps starting this blog has been a learning lesson for me, I have been writing for three months straight and realize that I do have a bit of a problem, and so do all 300 + readers.  My problem is obsessive thinking and planning and then never starting. If something small throws me, I quit. That darn all or nothing thinking again.  I lack coping skills in the regular hiccups of life.  I have an advanced degree in motivation (rah, rah, ree ree…let’s make everything from scratch and be happy!) But I fail in the execution.

Why am I like this? 

Perhaps this is society’s fault!

Before you call Dr. Phil and have me cast on the show entitled – ‘Woman blames the World-Needs to Accept Responsibility for Herself,’ let me explain.

I am not throwing in the towel, going to jump in front of a train, and let my husband deal with it all…I just realized that everywhere, we are bombarded with messages that are cure all’s- rules and prescriptions for success. Just google happy parent and see what you get.

Find Your Happy Parent Place If you follow these six simple mantras, you’ll have a lot more fun…SOUNDS ALLURING DOESN’T IT? AREN’T YOU JUST ITCHING TO FIND OUT.

How to Be a Happy Parent – A Parenting Plan for Happiness – OH MY GOODNESS- I NEED TO READ THIS NOW!

Happy Parents, Happy Kids: Tips to Strengthen Your Marriage– AWESOME! I CANNOT WAIT TO READ THIS ONE AND FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE US THE HAPPEST COUPLE EVER.

5 Secrets of Super-Happy Parents With Well-Behaved Kids– UM, THIS ONE SOUNDS LIKE EXACTLY WHAT I NEED!!! CALL THE BABYSITTER, TOM AND I ARE GOING TO HUNKER DOWN, EAT SOME HAMBURGER HELPER, DRINK SOME STRAWBERRY BOONES, AND MEMORIZE THESE SECRETS!

Ten Tips for Raising Happy Parents– RING, RING, HELLO MOM AND DAD, I AM COMING OVER, TAKE OUT THE JELLO MOLD, WE HAVE TO GO OVER ALL OF THESE TIPS THAT YOU DID NOT DO CORRECTLY WHEN YOU RAISED ME!

14 Things You Should Stop Doing to be a Happy Mom– STOP EVERYTHING, KIDS, HERE WATCH SOME TV, PLAY VIDEO GAMES FOR A WHILE BECAUSE I REALLY, REALLY NEED TO READ THIS ARTICLE SO I CAN STOP DOING WHAT I AM DOING, EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. THEN I CAN FINALLY BE HAPPY.

The articles and the lists go on and on – tips and advice for every problem we are experiencing…Every article, every web site, every book offers a specific set of guidelines to fix yourself, better yourself, or improve yourself…ever glance at the headlines on magazine covers while standing in line at the grocery store? Five ways to feel confident, all the advice you need to look your best, beauty self-acceptance at last, ten ways to feel happy and fulfill your dreams, etc..

Even the very popular book, What to Expect When Your Expecting, sends a message that all you need is this book.  Remember the movie, Knocked Up, and the scene where Katherine Heigl’s baby daddy comes rushing in and says something about the bloody show, and she looks at him and everything changes, she gushes, “You read the baby books.” Even she thought all of the answers were in a book!

I have been sucked in to this world of happy tips, alluring, cheery lessons, and happy faces and success stories for so long that I haven’t worked on my own personal “coping. ”

I just need to get out of bed and just try something every day.  What I do know is that some days are just going to suck balls and you just have to get through it. No googling required.  

5 thoughts on “Not Coping and Society’s Role

  1. Caryn

    Excellent self analysis /good post/ couldn’t agree more in regard to plethora of self help articles/ way to many/promotes insecurities rather than self worth!!

    Like

  2. This was a great post! I have the same issues. We are expected to just do all of these things with our kids and not be upset or stressed. Moms, like you & me, are especially looked at strangely if we say we are stressed because we don’t have jobs outside of the home.

    Like

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