obsessing – The Girly Reports

Last night I looked at comments on my post and one family member mentioned the word coping. Hmmm, coping, I know what that is- I cope, I guess, well, actually, maybe not so much, not really sure, so I looked it up. After reading the definition, I don’t think I cope at all.

The definition of coping is to face and deal with responsibilities, problems, or difficulties, especially successfully or in a calm or adequate manner.

I’ve never been a good coper (is that a word?) I’ve been a good faker though, always smiling. My mind is usually in constant turmoil, coming up with endless ideas of how I can feel better or what I can I figure out to make situations better. I google topics, write in my journal, and have read tons of those dang self-help books!

Perhaps starting this blog has been a learning lesson for me, I have been writing for three months straight and realize that I do have a bit of a problem, and so do all 300 + readers. My problem is obsessive thinking and planning and then never starting. If something small throws me, I quit. That darn all or nothing thinking again. I lack coping skills in the regular hiccups of life. I have an advanced degree in motivation (rah, rah, ree ree…let’s make everything from scratch and be happy!) But I fail in the execution.

Why am I like this?

Perhaps this is society’s fault!

Before you call Dr. Phil and have me cast on the show entitled – ‘Woman blames the World-Needs to Accept Responsibility for Herself,’ let me explain.

I am not throwing in the towel, going to jump in front of a train, and let my husband deal with it all…I just realized that everywhere, we are bombarded with messages that are cure all’s- rules and prescriptions for success. Just google happy parent and see what you get.

Find Your Happy Parent Place If you follow these six simple mantras, you’ll have a lot more fun…SOUNDS ALLURING DOESN’T IT? AREN’T YOU JUST ITCHING TO FIND OUT.

How to Be a Happy Parent – A Parenting Plan for Happiness – OH MY GOODNESS- I NEED TO READ THIS NOW!

Happy Parents, Happy Kids: Tips to Strengthen Your Marriage– AWESOME! I CANNOT WAIT TO READ THIS ONE AND FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE US THE HAPPEST COUPLE EVER.

5 Secrets of Super-Happy Parents With Well-Behaved Kids– UM, THIS ONE SOUNDS LIKE EXACTLY WHAT I NEED!!! CALL THE BABYSITTER, TOM AND I ARE GOING TO HUNKER DOWN, EAT SOME HAMBURGER HELPER, DRINK SOME STRAWBERRY BOONES, AND MEMORIZE THESE SECRETS!

Ten Tips for Raising Happy Parents– RING, RING, HELLO MOM AND DAD, I AM COMING OVER, TAKE OUT THE JELLO MOLD, WE HAVE TO GO OVER ALL OF THESE TIPS THAT YOU DID NOT DO CORRECTLY WHEN YOU RAISED ME!

14 Things You Should Stop Doing to be a Happy Mom– STOP EVERYTHING, KIDS, HERE WATCH SOME TV, PLAY VIDEO GAMES FOR A WHILE BECAUSE I REALLY, REALLY NEED TO READ THIS ARTICLE SO I CAN STOP DOING WHAT I AM DOING, EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. THEN I CAN FINALLY BE HAPPY.

The articles and the lists go on and on – tips and advice for every problem we are experiencing…Every article, every web site, every book offers a specific set of guidelines to fix yourself, better yourself, or improve yourself…ever glance at the headlines on magazine covers while standing in line at the grocery store? Five ways to feel confident, all the advice you need to look your best, beauty self-acceptance at last, ten ways to feel happy and fulfill your dreams, etc..

Even the very popular book, What to Expect When Your Expecting, sends a message that all you need is this book. Remember the movie, Knocked Up, and the scene where Katherine Heigl’s baby daddy comes rushing in and says something about the bloody show, and she looks at him and everything changes, she gushes, “You read the baby books.” Even she thought all of the answers were in a book!

I have been sucked in to this world of happy tips, alluring, cheery lessons, and happy faces and success stories for so long that I haven’t worked on my own personal “coping. ”

I just need to get out of bed and just try something every day. What I do know is that some days are just going to suck balls and you just have to get through it. No googling required.

Last night I cried. I sat on the couch, it was two A.M. I thought about my girls, mostly Gia, and how I neglected her a lot this week. She wanted to play with me. I wanted to do blog stuff. I crawled into bed with her last night, cuddled up to a sleeping beauty, and whispered how much I loved her and promised to be more mommy.

Whenever I think about being a mom and how it felt to be a daughter, I always think about this one incident. It was the saddest night- The man I thought was going to marry me, broke my heart, and the only thing I remember about that night was my Mom spoon feeding me oatmeal on the couch as I struggled to breathe.

That was years ago and obviously things have changed. I have two girls, married an amazingly fun and kind man, who is an awesome father. Things are good – I stay home. I’m lucky to be able to do this but sometimes I feel unfulfilled. I started this blog in January for fun, to document some of the craziness, without any intentions of trying to make money, trying to be funny, or trying to do anything…I like to write and I thought it would be fun, and a way to keep me focused on the little adventures of everyday, instead of worrying what I’m doing wrong and what parent information don’t I know about.

Kind of like shopping in your neighborhood mom and pop shop of mommystuff rather than stepping foot into the enormous Mega Mom store a few towns away where moms have all the latest gadgets, know all the no no’s in infant eating, and have their kids enrolled in the latest trending must do activity like Yoga Brain Balance or something like that. I just find it easier to bake my cookies and bang on pots!

If you have been reading my former posts, you can see I’m a bit all over the place, ideas, projects, plans, stopping them, changing them…running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Clearly, the blog hasn’t been my ticket out of the therapist’s chair.

Curiosity killed the cat

I started out with a few posts and shared them with my friends and it was nice and then a bout of insomnia hit and I started googling Mom blogs and funny Mom blogs, and there were thousands of them, 98, 900, 000 results on google to be exact- ones that had awards on them, featured on well-known sites, blogs with thousands of followers, blogs that were making a penny or two.

I started reading these blogs, some were unbelievable with their crafts and creations, some were useful, and some were funny. A large part of the so called “hilarious blogs,” were shocking …“fucking disgusting, smelly farts, vagina, kids are A-holes, I want to punch you in the face, but cracks….” You get the gist.

I get it, this sort of train wreck writing sells, and people flock to these sites to see the crazy. I have been playing around with the description of my blog and threw in the word crack…last night I changed that. I am not one of those balls out there kind of blogs – Fuck –is a word only used in extreme situations- SORRY DAD! And I’m not going to call my children little A-holes, like a popular blogger out there does. (I may think it…haven’t we all? But I won’t write it).

So I am going to stop snooping around and trying to figure out what sells (as much as I want to post some sexy shots of me in a bikini – hahahaha – Just kidding – Never. People would be sending me diet and fitness books after that for sure!

I’m no Martha Stewart (the extent of my creativity is chocolate covered oreos with googly eyes) and I’m not Mother Theresa with a potty mouth, so from now on, it’s just me sipping my wine, chugging my coffee, munching on Cheez its, hanging with the girls, and making creations like this!