Last night I cried. I sat on the couch, it was two A.M. I thought about my girls, mostly Gia, and how I neglected her a lot this week. She wanted to play with me. I wanted to do blog stuff. I crawled into bed with her last night, cuddled up to a sleeping beauty, and whispered how much I loved her and promised to be more mommy.
Whenever I think about being a mom and how it felt to be a daughter, I always think about this one incident. It was the saddest night- The man I thought was going to marry me, broke my heart, and the only thing I remember about that night was my Mom spoon feeding me oatmeal on the couch as I struggled to breathe.
That was years ago and obviously things have changed. I have two girls, married an amazingly fun and kind man, who is an awesome father. Things are good – I stay home. I’m lucky to be able to do this but sometimes I feel unfulfilled. I started this blog in January for fun, to document some of the craziness, without any intentions of trying to make money, trying to be funny, or trying to do anything…I like to write and I thought it would be fun, and a way to keep me focused on the little adventures of everyday, instead of worrying what I’m doing wrong and what parent information don’t I know about.
Kind of like shopping in your neighborhood mom and pop shop of mommystuff rather than stepping foot into the enormous Mega Mom store a few towns away where moms have all the latest gadgets, know all the no no’s in infant eating, and have their kids enrolled in the latest trending must do activity like Yoga Brain Balance or something like that. I just find it easier to bake my cookies and bang on pots!
If you have been reading my former posts, you can see I’m a bit all over the place, ideas, projects, plans, stopping them, changing them…running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Clearly, the blog hasn’t been my ticket out of the therapist’s chair.
Curiosity killed the cat
I started out with a few posts and shared them with my friends and it was nice and then a bout of insomnia hit and I started googling Mom blogs and funny Mom blogs, and there were thousands of them, 98, 900, 000 results on google to be exact- ones that had awards on them, featured on well-known sites, blogs with thousands of followers, blogs that were making a penny or two.
I started reading these blogs, some were unbelievable with their crafts and creations, some were useful, and some were funny. A large part of the so called “hilarious blogs,” were shocking …“fucking disgusting, smelly farts, vagina, kids are A-holes, I want to punch you in the face, but cracks….” You get the gist.
I get it, this sort of train wreck writing sells, and people flock to these sites to see the crazy. I have been playing around with the description of my blog and threw in the word crack…last night I changed that. I am not one of those balls out there kind of blogs – Fuck –is a word only used in extreme situations- SORRY DAD! And I’m not going to call my children little A-holes, like a popular blogger out there does. (I may think it…haven’t we all? But I won’t write it).
So I am going to stop snooping around and trying to figure out what sells (as much as I want to post some sexy shots of me in a bikini – hahahaha – Just kidding – Never. People would be sending me diet and fitness books after that for sure!
I’m no Martha Stewart (the extent of my creativity is chocolate covered oreos with googly eyes) and I’m not Mother Theresa with a potty mouth, so from now on, it’s just me sipping my wine, chugging my coffee, munching on Cheez its, hanging with the girls, and making creations like this!
And I might tell you that Gia said that my naked boobs “looked like hanging down low penises.”