thinking – The Girly Reports

“Gia, will you get off of the counter!”
“Uh, what do you want now?”
“Can you just wait please!”

It was six P.M. on a Monday and I thought I could whip up a quick pink colored popcorn all the while trying to make flounder florentine, sun dried tomato risotto, and broccoli…yes, it’s true – domestic diva here – I kind of rock, my husband gets meals like this every night, well most nights, a few nights…Ok maybe just once in a while – gotta keep him on his toes!

I was gone all day, but I just had to do this – because that’s what I had planned, for my ice cream theme week – I was doing fruit faux ice cream cones as well as colored popcorn cones…

All on a Monday…because that’s what the plan was…

I was following a google recipe – trying to get the pink ones done, and get dinner ready, all the while juggling the girls climbing on the counters – helping out and wanting to eat the popcorn, trying to cook. I was kind of getting stressed …I trusted a recipe I saw on Google, and it flopped – it didn’t work…the popcorn was all soggy and virtually disappeared, I wish I could call this person and ask her why her recipe was wrong…and I definitely contemplated trying another one…but it was ten at night and I was exhausted but I actually was going to do it!

But then I decided I was tired – I came to my senses…because what the hell am I doing? I am not Martha Stewart! I don’t even make any money with this blog! The only thing I’m trying to do is make it to the top 25 on Top Mommy Blogs and my own husband doesn’t even remember to click the banner!

I sometimes wonder what I am doing with this blog and even my life…I’m constantly thinking I need to work on myself. But you know what, I’m tired.

I did my growing. I filled a lifetime of journals. I think I’m done.

I think that also goes for talking…or people who are always talking or thinking about what they’re going to do but NEVER DO IT!

Sorry – off on a tangent there…did I mention it’s 2 AM – can’t sleep!

I guess it takes a bout of insomnia to get me thinking – enough of corny projects like this…

I’ll just stick to the cooky crafts.

AND

I’ll just stick to being me. I’m busy enough, running marathons (figuratively), like this week, camp, the lake, cooking, play dates, ice cream theme crafts, play date treats, birthday party for a friend prep – oh my…the only thing I need to do is fit in some down time!

Down time – no blogging, no thinking about kids, no reading other blogs and comparing, no celebrity stalking (wishing I had those boobs or that booty…)

Ahhh, nothing better than coffee and a magazine!

So the pink popcorn didn’t work out but here’s a pic of our cute fruit ice-cream cones! Stay tuned for more of the exciting ice cream theme. Oh and I finally figured out how to do the popcorn!

THE MAKING OF THE FRUIT ICECREAM CONES

Now Gia wants this every night!

PLEASE CLICK ON THE TMB BANNER (it just takes you to the site – you can click once a day to vote for me!)

Last night I cried. I sat on the couch, it was two A.M. I thought about my girls, mostly Gia, and how I neglected her a lot this week. She wanted to play with me. I wanted to do blog stuff. I crawled into bed with her last night, cuddled up to a sleeping beauty, and whispered how much I loved her and promised to be more mommy.

Whenever I think about being a mom and how it felt to be a daughter, I always think about this one incident. It was the saddest night- The man I thought was going to marry me, broke my heart, and the only thing I remember about that night was my Mom spoon feeding me oatmeal on the couch as I struggled to breathe.

That was years ago and obviously things have changed. I have two girls, married an amazingly fun and kind man, who is an awesome father. Things are good – I stay home. I’m lucky to be able to do this but sometimes I feel unfulfilled. I started this blog in January for fun, to document some of the craziness, without any intentions of trying to make money, trying to be funny, or trying to do anything…I like to write and I thought it would be fun, and a way to keep me focused on the little adventures of everyday, instead of worrying what I’m doing wrong and what parent information don’t I know about.

Kind of like shopping in your neighborhood mom and pop shop of mommystuff rather than stepping foot into the enormous Mega Mom store a few towns away where moms have all the latest gadgets, know all the no no’s in infant eating, and have their kids enrolled in the latest trending must do activity like Yoga Brain Balance or something like that. I just find it easier to bake my cookies and bang on pots!

If you have been reading my former posts, you can see I’m a bit all over the place, ideas, projects, plans, stopping them, changing them…running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Clearly, the blog hasn’t been my ticket out of the therapist’s chair.

Curiosity killed the cat

I started out with a few posts and shared them with my friends and it was nice and then a bout of insomnia hit and I started googling Mom blogs and funny Mom blogs, and there were thousands of them, 98, 900, 000 results on google to be exact- ones that had awards on them, featured on well-known sites, blogs with thousands of followers, blogs that were making a penny or two.

I started reading these blogs, some were unbelievable with their crafts and creations, some were useful, and some were funny. A large part of the so called “hilarious blogs,” were shocking …“fucking disgusting, smelly farts, vagina, kids are A-holes, I want to punch you in the face, but cracks….” You get the gist.

I get it, this sort of train wreck writing sells, and people flock to these sites to see the crazy. I have been playing around with the description of my blog and threw in the word crack…last night I changed that. I am not one of those balls out there kind of blogs – Fuck –is a word only used in extreme situations- SORRY DAD! And I’m not going to call my children little A-holes, like a popular blogger out there does. (I may think it…haven’t we all? But I won’t write it).

So I am going to stop snooping around and trying to figure out what sells (as much as I want to post some sexy shots of me in a bikini – hahahaha – Just kidding – Never. People would be sending me diet and fitness books after that for sure!

I’m no Martha Stewart (the extent of my creativity is chocolate covered oreos with googly eyes) and I’m not Mother Theresa with a potty mouth, so from now on, it’s just me sipping my wine, chugging my coffee, munching on Cheez its, hanging with the girls, and making creations like this!