If I was a self help book I’d throw myself over a cliff

“Moving towards balance…letting go, quitting sweets, quitting baking, getting over people pleasing, going to start taking care of myself, exercising, accepting my body, slowing down…blah, blah, blah….I truly feel like if I was a self help book, I would throw myself over the cliff.

None of this crappolla is important, really. Its utter crap, it’s not positive, funny, or real.


It’s like I am addicted to proclamations. It’s probably America – we’re obsessed with life change, makeovers, transformations, and success stories…pick up any magazine and it always features happy people touting their latest life change or decision to live a different life…I’m not completely knocking these inspirational type of stories…it’s just the more we hear about Jane quitting her job, starting the business of her dreams, losing 20 pounds, giving up gluten, and practicing yoga…you start to kind of think – well, maybe Jane has all the answers. She just looks so freakin happy…




This sort of thing has always sucked me in… Any kind of a change, seemed dramatic, exciting, challenging, and the answer to me being stuck in a rut.

The title says secrets to being happy from the Inside out…that sounds like you just have to read it, right?

When something doesn’t feel right, or I am feeling something I don’t want to be feeling, like frustration, unhappiness, disillusionment, sadness, or just boredom, I make some major proclamation. Instead of just owning the feeling. I think that’s what addicts do, right?

This one promises me to get a life that doesn’t suck! Woo hoo

For example, the baking… I baked a lot for the past two years. And then, just recently, I simply didn’t feel like it. I didn’t really have a clear explanation. I just had no desire to get out the bowls and the flour. When I think about this rationally, it was probably just me being tired and busy with the regular hectic life of a mom of little ones.

Not a lick of make up- dirty hair- and chipped nail polish – that’s pretty brave of me to show this gross pic that Gia snapped of me.

How about I just write/ speak about my true feelings… Like “Hey everyone, I am in a funk. I’m tired, I’m probably going to bring you some munchkins today, because the thought of baking is truly exhausting… But maybe I’ll feel like whipping up some blondies in a couple of weeks, or maybe not! ”

Or ” I am just not feeling my cutest, can we just hang out in our sweats and drink wine and eat pizza? ”

I officially quit proclamations.

Life is full of enough interesting things to read about/talk about right? Like the fact that Arianna pooped on the bathroom floor at the library yesterday and tried to pick it up.

Eeewwww! I don’t know how this happened. She has been using the potty regularly now for a while.

But that’s life. And I think we would all rather read about that, wouldn’t we?

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Five Reasons Not to Potty Train before Vacation

A pee – pee licious time at the beach…

Five reasons you shouldn’t potty train right before a vacation.


Perhaps a week of non stop potty training, no diapers, and constant runs to the porcelain princess throne was indeed a great idea. After all the hard work, my baby was pretty much potty trained….and then we had a five hour bumper to bumper traffic filled trip to the beach…you can imagine her confusion when I said, “Just go in your pull up.” We were no where near a bathroom…her eyes got really wide and she kept saying, “bathroom, bathroom,” and I said, “Oh honey, I know this is weird because I have wanted you to use the toilet and now I’m asking you to go in your pants.”

Ok seriously, I was talking to this girl like she could understand this rationalization…she blinked…and started to get hysterical. I was screaming to Tom, “Pull over, pull over…” And he doesn’t. He insists on waiting till we can pull off on an exit…no idea what his strange refusal to just pull over…I think he’s afraid some boogie man is going to come out of the woods and get him…I seriously married a wimp. He won’t even eat a piece of fruit with a smidgen of mold on it…Can you believe that?

Inconvenient Situations

She was doing the “I need to go….” bathroom dance at the pool. I know everyone saw and knew what was up when I whispered to her, “Just go in the pool…” I figured we wouldn’t be able to make it to the public restroom. “Oh Tom, never mind, she doesn’t have to go after all,” I bellowed loudly enough for people to hear after I stood up, hoping no one would notice the pee running down her leg as I urged her to hop back in the pool.

Nothing says vacation like a Golden Shower

We were walking back from the beach. She had to go. “Oh crappolla, ” I thought…we are never going to make it…a sense of panic started to spread through me…I picked her up, and took off.

Ahhh, we have to get to the bathroom…come on Jill, run faster, ignore the searing pain of her shoes digging a hole on my skin, block out the weariness from holding beach bags, a child, beach equipment, sand sticking on my body, sun burned, and parched…just run, just go…I was sprinting at this point and we. were. almost. there…the bathroom was in my vision…and then I felt a warm sensation spread all over me…we didn’t make it.

Porta Potty

When your only 2 years old, many experiences are brand new, eye opening adventures…even the disgusting porta potty can be an interesting experience…

Terror – imagine having just learned to use the potty – a safe, unthreatening pink princess potty or a friendly red Elmo potty and then having to sit on this unfamiliar seat that rests over a very deep drop filled with …which leads me to the next point.

“Mommy, look at all of that poop!” she exclaimed as she stared incredulously into the deep abyss of disgustingness…Ugh, I almost just gagged thinking about that.

And then there was the awful smell, “Mommy, mommy, what’s that smell?”
She probably never smelled something so bad in all of her 34 months…because in my house, “Our shit don’t stink.” Ok, it might, but I just wanted to throw in that expression…

I will never forget the first time I heard that. I was at a friend’s parents party in southern Virginia (I went to college in Virginia) and there were all of these southern ladies talking and this one lady, in her deep southern drawl was like, “I don’t know who she thinks she is, she thinks her shit don’t stink .” I tell ya…Women are the worst with the cattiness! Never ends.

Dining Out
One of the wonderful parts of vacation is NOT COOKING…oh boy, this one is high on my list, as I don’t really enjoy cooking very much…and I certainly don’t miss bending down every three minutes to pick up crumbs and rice off the floor, wipe up spills from pouring water experiments, and constantly telling my child to finish her food before running over to play with a random toy she spies while stuffing her face full of chicken. Arianna is so easily distracted. She would see a scrap of paper on the floor, run over, pick it up, and say that she just found her spaceship. Wild imagination too…

This brings me back to vacation dining out…normally a relaxing, well, somewhat relaxing dinner out, even if it is for the five minutes you get to scarf down your food before your little one is done with her half of a chicken tender – they never seem to eat at restaurants…too busy staring at other patrons, crawling under the table, dumping the salt and pepper shakers, and trying to start a band with the banging of the utensils…ok so maybe eating at restaurants with kids is never relaxing…but that fact, coupled with my need to ask every three minutes, “Do you have to go to the potty?” Obsessively looking in the direction of the restroom so I know where to run, the constant peering at my child to determine if she does indeed have to go, and yes, it’s true, feeling her up- constant checking to see if her underwear is wet – I almost said panties….ew! There’s something so creepy about that word…but in any case, a freshly potty trained gal sitting in her booth at the Lobster House simply does not make for a kick back, rest on your laurels, sip your martini, type of night out. Oh well, at least I actually got a martini! And it was awesome! It was down and dirty, with three blue cheese stuffed olives – delish!

So there you have it – five reasons not to potty train before a vacation!

I know what your up to…

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Screw you – people pleasing problem!

I’ve been doing my research, talking to some peeps about my little problem, well soon to be NOT A PROBLEM! Ya know, the situation that I wrote about the other day…

People pleasing

I absolutely love my Mom’s advice – “Embrace your caring personality and on occasion feel free to tell a few people to go F themselves!” Ha – don’t you just love hearing your momma tell it like it is!

I hear it and I’m going to follow it… Since I wrote the post, and gosh, I apologize for these therapy type pieces… Sometime, late night, all comfy, cozy on my couch, with the lights dimly lit, I just write, let it out, and hit Publish.
I go to sleep, wake up, see comments from readers, and suddenly it hits me, ugh! I just wrote all this personal stuff and now everyone knows how crazy I am!

Then again, they already know!

So, like I was saying, since I wrote this post, I had a few friends reach out (love you) and give me some advice/thoughts… And I can honestly say I feel like I can tackle the world… I feel more free.

I still love to bake for people and do things for friends but I need to take a few minutes to stop and think, is this a good idea for me? for my family? and for the general flow of our daily life?

Let me explain this for a minute… I am impulsive (shocker!) and I love to create… For example, for Easter, I decided to make some treats.


An Easter Egg shaped cake, which should have been enough, but then I had to make something with chocolate, you know, for those that like chocolate…So had to get to the store, had to buy the little one treats, while buying baking items, to prevent meltdown in store ( long story- it had been a trying day – she doesn’t give me a tantrum every single time we go out… Just most times! ) So, there’s that, and then the entire next day, making these treats with the kids and all the chocolate the little one ate, and it took me ALL DAY… And so on and so forth- no need to bore you with the minutiae of my life and our candy debacles… But the fact that Ari doesn’t eat well rests a lot on my shoulders… She’s used to chocolate chips and the oven full of baked goodies….


I asked a few people recently about some incidents where I was concerned that I annoyed them. Last week I was two hours late to a birthday party. I had already called my friend and told her I was going to be late… But because of a few personal situations, we were super late. I was seriously speeding and kept thinking about how late we were and how terrible that is of me… So, I put my children’s safety at jeopardy and just lost two hours of my day fretting.

I decided to ask this friend exactly what she thought when I arrived at the party…

“A few things: 1. I honestly didn’t realize that you were 2 hours late as people were rolling in at various times 2. You already told me about swimming so I expected you to be late 3. I also read your blog regularly and know how challenging it can be with the girls so I was just happy that you guys made it.”

I also asked another friend what she would have thought if I came to her house empty handed! meaning wine for sure! but no cookies…

My exact message…

“For my own personal sanity knowledge…. Scenario : I walk in to your house without any baked goods… Do u think ” that lazy bitch” or “hi friend” !!!! Or secretly ‘where are my cookies?’ ”
She responded, “Are you serious? You’re a freak. Honestly I probably would just think how good it is to see you and how many glasses of wine we’ll drink.”

Third friend I asked about canceling on her sort of last minute for a play date and what she really thought…

She said, “Honestly, I thought nothing of it – I understand, even if you were just having an off day and didn’t feel like company, I seriously think nothing of it!”

So there you have it. I’m sure that’s how most people think and if they don’t, need to adopt Mom’s mantra- f them ! Because, I just need to get over this!



I love giving but if it’s not going to be good for us- you’re up shit’s creek – you don’t get my goodies!