Just a few wrinkles

On March 10, 2014 By JillIn Uncategorized5 Comments

This morning I woke up startled- I felt someone’s presence-I felt something on me, next to me…

I opened my eyes and aghhh, there was a pair of enormous eyes in my face.

I woke up to an inquisitive little girl, holding a magnifying glass over my face and peering intently.

“What are you doing Gia!” I exclaimed.

“Oh, I’m just checking for red marks on your face,” she nonchalantly said.

“What! why?” I was laughing now.

“Oh because if you have red dots on your face, you need to buy this P stuff ( Proactiv), I was watching this on TV and I was seeing if you looked liked this lady with all of these red things on her face,” she stated.

“Hmmmm, let me see, Mom, can you turn your face a little?” she asked.

“Ok, sure Gia, let me know what you see,” I said.

“Oh Mom, no dots, but I do see some lines.”

Well, there you have it- the update on Mom’s skin, just a few wrinkles.

Then I am coming out of the shower and A makes a beeline for my boobs- grabbing at them, saying, “Boobies, boobies, Mommy’s boobies,” and then starts saying, “What’s that Mommy?, Mommy’s but, Mommy’s but, and starts pointing out various freckles, What’s that Mommy? What’s that Mommy? (A tends to repeat everything she says at least three times… “Are you sad mommy, are you sad mommy, are you sad mommy?”

Before you start thinking, oh my – What is going over there, Is this mom ok? We have this series of little books called What are you feeling? It’s pretty cute actually because G likes to read A these books.

Four year old reading genius I tell ya! Nah, she just looks at the pictures and makes up the words- kind of a no brainer, really. Look at this page, it really says, I feel hungry and G reads it, “I feel like I see a floating piece of cheese in my head.”

But A has been really taken with the I feel sad book.

In fact, she asks everybody, including random people at the grocery store, “Are you sad?” I think she and I are going to set up a booth in the mall…

No insurance, low income, not a problem! Discounted therapy here…My child will look deep into people’s eyes and ask “Are you sad?”

We’ll let people get the weight off their shoulder and tells us their woes…

The truth is I think she’s just so excited to be talking these days that she likes to hear herself say words and phrases multiple times.

Later that day, I heard my own voice coming from underneath a blanket on the couch, accompanied with lots of giggling.

What on Earth? Oh right, she’s been recording me again! I don’t know what G finds interesting about watching me do nothing, the videos of me are pretty mundane- it’s just shots of me with my face looking very worried- I always seem to have this forehead wrinkled, tense look going on- in fact, I can’t tell you the number of staff members at various stores like the grocery store, CVS, and Target…coming up to me and saying, “Everything OK, Can I help you find something?” or “You look lost, can I help you?” and probably the most embarrassing of all is “Well, if you and your kids aren’t pure birth control for me than I don’t what is!”

Nonetheless, G will watch recordings of me for hours, cracking up, and then hit play again, laughing even louder – this is getting ridiculous! Between this morning’s face inspection, naked accosting right out of the shower, and being recorded all day, I feel like I am just one life size doll for these girls to play with.

Damn, why can’t I be the Hulk, and scare them away!

Going on a bear hunt cake

On March 8, 2014March 9, 2014 By JillIn Uncategorized1 Comment

teddycake — We’re not afaid of these bears!

Playdate tomorrow. What should I make? No chocolate chips in the house since last week I naively deemed them as unfit for our family…not chocolate chips per se, but sweets in general, calling Erin (my weekly playdate friend), last Friday, and telling her that last week’s cookies were the VERY LAST ONES EVER. And here we are an entire week later and boy has my tune changed. I think God must flip a coin at night and heads, Jill is completely neurotic, frantically stopping off at all of her usual haunts, 7-11, CVS, gas station convenience stores (last Thursday, I was in one of these such stores purchasing some “last sweets ever.” You know what I bought – something very random, for me that is – a whoopee pie- do you even know what that is?

I had one once in my life and I actually stole it from a wedding reception- not a wedding I was invited to, just one that was taking place at the restaurant/banquet hall I was having dinner at. We were leaving our dining area and I was very tipsy, and spotted this giant stack of them, they beckoned me to come and get one… or two…They were individually packaged with the couple’s name and date of ceremony and some stupid loved dovey quote- (I am clearly not a romantic, can you tell?)

The usual culprits are an everything bagel with olive cream cheese ( that combination is the absolute best thing on earth- the only problem is that I have a wheat intolerance and a bagel is like flour x 100 and my stomach looks like I am five months pregnant after I eat one….but they are just so so good) or my favorite ice cream sunday- cookie dough icecream, marshmallow sauce, and peanut butter cups…pure peanuty, heavenly pleasure, need I say more? Not to mention blondies, Cheez its, cookies with frosting, and anything with ranch dressing- oh calgon- take me away to a smorgasbord of all my favorite foods…and make it all calorie free.

Needless to say, I marched into the convenience store with Arianna who decided to take every lollypop off the stand, you know those big lollypops, with names like banana cream pie, that are displayed at almost every checkout counter, and looked and looked for my “last sweet ever” and decided on a Whoopie Pie…to be honest, it was the biggest baked item on the rack- I figured Ari and I could share it… I only bought one thing because I was going home to bake chocolate chip cookies and oatmeal cookies for a playdate- you know, the last playdate ever with sweets….( I know what you’re thinking, this lady is completely screwed up!)

Like I said, I think that God flipped the coin to heads that day and it was out of her mind Jill. On the days that I gratefully get a tails, I am much calmer and rational. I stay out of money sucking, junk food serving stores, and … I’m not really sure what I do, let’s see what G has to say, “G, what does mommy do when she is calm, not shopping, or being crazy?”

“You read,” says Gia.

Interesting, because when do I really have time to read? If I do get the rare moment to put my feet up and fire up the IPad, it’s like I am a magnetic force pulling the girls towards me, with their eyes wide like zombies chanting, “Mom, let me see; Mom, let me play; Mom, play music; and the latest and far most horrifying is Mom, let me have the IPad”

This last request is that G wants to record me. She has been sneaking around, recording videos of me, without me knowing….can we say embarrassing? I didn’t even know that she knew how to do this and I dropped her off at my brother’s for an hour while I took A to gymnastics and she played these videos of me, awful shots of me with hair up, roots showing, no makeup, side profile (which I hate- my chin is way shorter than my nose and it’s just not pretty!) Not to mention that I was looking completely perplexed and frazzled in these videos. But then again, that’s the norm around here.

Today, however, I am no longer a culprit of the coin toss, I feel as if I have made major strides in the last week, first I wrote

Let it Go https://thegirlyreports.wordpress.com/2014/03/01/let-it-go/ and the other day I wrote a post about not making life so hard and having more fun and that’s what we are trying to do moving forward.

Damn, I get off subject so easily. Today I decided to do a Going on a Bear Hunt theme. For some reason, visions of teddy grahms were dancing in my head so voilà- we got out the Ipad, fired up the song and reenacted the words on a scene we made at the table. I’m sure you have all heard of “We’re Going on a Bear Hunt” before. There are many versions of this song out there and this is the one we like. The singers’ voices crack us up!

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/101-kids-party-hits/id318874318

Song number 46

We acted out the motions of Going on the Bear Hunt with this scene we created.

That would be grass that G’s fingers are pretending to walk through.

Then I made a cake, from scratch, and you know what – I’m too tired to post the recipe- I made the icing too, without powdered sugar – you want to make it too- find it yourself, but I’ll show you the cake again!

Snickerdoodles

On March 6, 2014March 6, 2014 By JillIn Uncategorized3 Comments

Today we made Snickerdoodles.

Snicker ( no pun intended) and snort all you want about me…I’m baking again – don’t bash me folks- didn’t you read my previous post about Letting Go- No more no’s in my life! Nothing is off limits at this point, the sky is the limit, ready to try anything…

Ok you sickos, get your minds out of the pornos – I am not doing that or that – And to hubs, don’t get any crazy ideas.

I never made snickerdoodles before but Gia loves them so I figured I would try them. There was a time when I had never even heard of a snickerdoodle before- sounded like something with chocolate and nuts, until this annoying roommate I had years ago in Hoboken made them. Boy was she irritating- she would talk nonstop during funny sitcoms and eat her cereal really loud like crunching and munching and slurping away. It was enough to make you never want to pour a bowl of frosted flakes again- oh wait -did I say frosted flakes? I don’t know what made me say that- I spent my twenties choking down Fiber One and Kashi Good Friends in attempts to get things moving down below.

Did you ever see these cereal boxes for Good Friends, pretty hysterical with those smilng faces- Why is this cereal called Good Friends? Is it because you’re going to be a good friend once you get the poop out? Or perhaps the smelly presents you leave in the toilet are your good friends? A former male boss of mine who was also gay, once came back from a trip to the little boys room ( I hate that expression but if the shoe fits…) and said that he “took a shit and it felt great and that releasing your bowels felt just as good as an orgasm.” I think I must have turned as red as a tomato and was rendered speechless…

These days I don’t bother with the fiber- these kids have me running on fumes and I really don’t have time to visit the loo so that’s that.

Back to the snickerdoodles, yikes all that potty talk, and now back to scrumptious sweets baked with delicate hands. This seems like the perfect time to show you that my muffin did indeed wash her hands today…

wash — You can lick off these hands, they’re so clean!

When we were baking last week, Big D (remember him, my contractor) happened to sneak up on us while G was licking her fingers and going to town on the pink frosting we made…aww, snap – caught in the act!

Snickerdoodles are like the only thing that G wants in Target. Well, that and the Pizza Hut pizza they serve there- this is my mistake or wait- I think I’ll blame my Mom for this one- yup, grandma bought her this once in Target and you know what they say about addictions, it just takes one time. The thing is G doesn’t actually eat pizza, she takes all the cheese off and just eats the bread so the Pizza Hut personal pizza is a Godsend for little miss cheese-less. The small brown box contains a mushy, doughy, greasy, sink your teeth into some old school deliciousness and she’s in heaven.

Not going to be stealing the secrets of Pizza Hut and recreating pizza in my kitchen so I decided to make cookies. I always see foodie blogs where people show all the steps they took to make their delights so I figured I would be all professional and do the same.

Here’s the recipe I found on http://www.howsweeteats.com/

makes 16-20 cookies

1/2 cup butter, at room temperature

1 cup sugar

1 egg

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon

2 tablespoons milk

1/4 cup sugar + 1 tablespoon cinnamon for dipping

Preheat oven to 375.

Cream butter and sugar with an electric mixer until smooth. Add egg and vanilla, mixing well until combine, about 2 minutes. Stir in flour, baking powder, salt, and 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon. Mix until dough comes together. Add in milk. If dough is still crumbly, add milk 1 tablespoon at a time until it comes together. Refrigerate for 30 minutes.

In a bowl combine remaining sugar and cinnamon. Remove dough from fridge and roll into big 1 1/2 inch balls. Dip in cinnamon sugar mixture and place on baking sheet. Lightly pressdown on dough to flatten it. Bake at 375 for 10-12 minutes.

dough dough — Delicious dough that almost didn’t make it.

The little one saw this, dragged her chair over, climbed up, and turned the bowl over so she could use as a drum- her music class is really inspiring her to make music in all the wrong places…

balls — Thank goodness she washed her hands!

cookie baked — The entire house smelled of sugar and cinnamon!

Poor Daddy never gets any treats by the time he comes home. We have either eaten them, given them away, or had children gobble them up during a playdate. We made a plate just for him.