Closing the sweet shop

I just want to put some closure on the subject of Baking.

This is so hard for me to write about because I haven’t wanted to face the music, I have wanted to carry on like I have been, people thinking I am fine, writing my humorous posts and baking for everyone and their mothers…in the past three weeks, I have baked for the last music class, the last dance class, the last gymnastic class, the last day of school, barbeques, friends, family, and even store associates – Gazde- if your reading this, I loved baking and bringing you cookies and I love my cookies and I love making people happy with my sweets so don’t feel bad! BUT, and this is a huge BUT…

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I can’t do this anymore, the constant flow of chocolate chips, licking of bowls, muffins, frosting, baking craziness- runs to the store, snacking or buying of treats for my girls, thinking about what everyone would like, what so and so likes – the oatmeal ones or the chocolate ones – what Gia’s teacher likes – frosting, and what my family likes… It’s become out of control…I am not a baker by profession, nor would I ever have chosen to be surrounded with frosting and crumbs, remember- food issues here…kind of like an alcoholic working at a bar… this isn’t my job (although it seems like it has been recently- even Gia said the other day when I ran out of flour- “Mom, you’re not even like a Mom anymore, you’re like a baker.” Yikes- isn’t that food for thought…

I feel as if baking gave me an identity, a sense of purpose, and the comments were impossible to ignore, “Jill, you’ve outdone yourself…she’s the best baker, thank you so much…the delight in people’s eyes when they eat a cookie…we love Jill’s cookies…you should start a business, how do you find the time? (That one I love the most, (sound familiar Kris?) etc…” Hard to stop bringing the goods when you feel special and important…

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The truth is I am not doing “well” with baked goods and snacks. It’s just not the lifestyle I am happy living. Excess wheat and sugar seem to be aggravating anxiety and my Arianna is growing up with chocolate as a fifth food group. Nothing wrong with a bit of chocolate here and there but she hears the crinkling of a plastic bag, and is like “I want chocolate chips!”

I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I’m ready, this time – for good. The shop is closed. I love my friends and family, my kids’ teachers, and I love how it felt to bake and deliver, but I can’t be the happy, chocolate wagon anymore.

I’m setting sail for fruit islands…I may serve up a low sugar banana bread…but besides that, I am taking care of me and focusing on this family of four.

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Ahhh, smelling the sweet summer fruit.

4 thoughts on “Closing the sweet shop

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