Category: Mommy Confessions

Closing the sweet shop

On By JillIn Health eating, Mommy Confessions, Sugar and Snack Less, The Cookie Chronicles, Uncategorized, What's Going On?4 Comments

I just want to put some closure on the subject of Baking.

This is so hard for me to write about because I haven’t wanted to face the music, I have wanted to carry on like I have been, people thinking I am fine, writing my humorous posts and baking for everyone and their mothers…in the past three weeks, I have baked for the last music class, the last dance class, the last gymnastic class, the last day of school, barbeques, friends, family, and even store associates – Gazde- if your reading this, I loved baking and bringing you cookies and I love my cookies and I love making people happy with my sweets so don’t feel bad! BUT, and this is a huge BUT…

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I can’t do this anymore, the constant flow of chocolate chips, licking of bowls, muffins, frosting, baking craziness- runs to the store, snacking or buying of treats for my girls, thinking about what everyone would like, what so and so likes – the oatmeal ones or the chocolate ones – what Gia’s teacher likes – frosting, and what my family likes… It’s become out of control…I am not a baker by profession, nor would I ever have chosen to be surrounded with frosting and crumbs, remember- food issues here…kind of like an alcoholic working at a bar… this isn’t my job (although it seems like it has been recently- even Gia said the other day when I ran out of flour- “Mom, you’re not even like a Mom anymore, you’re like a baker.” Yikes- isn’t that food for thought…

I feel as if baking gave me an identity, a sense of purpose, and the comments were impossible to ignore, “Jill, you’ve outdone yourself…she’s the best baker, thank you so much…the delight in people’s eyes when they eat a cookie…we love Jill’s cookies…you should start a business, how do you find the time? (That one I love the most, (sound familiar Kris?) etc…” Hard to stop bringing the goods when you feel special and important…

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The truth is I am not doing “well” with baked goods and snacks. It’s just not the lifestyle I am happy living. Excess wheat and sugar seem to be aggravating anxiety and my Arianna is growing up with chocolate as a fifth food group. Nothing wrong with a bit of chocolate here and there but she hears the crinkling of a plastic bag, and is like “I want chocolate chips!”

I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I’m ready, this time – for good. The shop is closed. I love my friends and family, my kids’ teachers, and I love how it felt to bake and deliver, but I can’t be the happy, chocolate wagon anymore.

I’m setting sail for fruit islands…I may serve up a low sugar banana bread…but besides that, I am taking care of me and focusing on this family of four.

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Ahhh, smelling the sweet summer fruit.

I shouldn’t complain about this but…relaxation is hard!

On By JillIn Mommy Confessions, Mommy Musings6 Comments

I have to admit that I am feeling a little anxious…like pacing the floors, twiddling my thumbs, I even mopped the floor today! ugh… And if anyone remembers an old post about mopping, I HATE mopping- worst chore ever! Isn’t the word chore funny! Reminds me of farmer Jill saying “Do your chores kids…”

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Last week was crazy busy… Gia had so many activities, her final show day for gymnastics.

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Hawaii Day at school –

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Plus I baked oatmeal cookie sandwiches, and chocolate chip Heath Bar blondies! Yum!

Why is it that I pick the weeks that I have to watch the sweets to torture myself with the mouth watering smells of chocolate and butter wafting through my kitchen….my twenty year high school reunion was this past Saturday – but then again, we women have a few tricks up our sleeves to hide those flaws… Unfortunately, the beach is only months away, and yikes! This body Is NOT READY! I seriously need to put the whisk down and stop baking… But I am addicted… I love the baking aisle! I find comfort in bags of chocolate chips, sacks of brown sugar, and flour.

Plus my scrumptious sweets make everyone happy! Well, maybe not everyone – I’m sure they’re those that roll their eyes when they see me coming – oh great, here comes Jill with her fucking cookies! Namely, my husband who would much rather a gourmet meal, but that ain’t gonna happen! Ok, it might…but that’s for the next chapter in life – crazy mom baker falls in love with Cornish Game Hens with rosemary and garlic and Filet Mignon with a Balsamic Reduction …. Mmm, that actually sounds exciting, but scares me…

And what was I even starting this post about… Oh right, anxious, you see, the hectic week has passed, my reunion was last night and it was so much fun, my amazingly helpful in laws were here helping out while I got pampered- nails, pedicure ( the leg massage felt so good that I actually started to cry…does that ever happen to you stressed out women? Like when you finally get to relax or do something for yourself, you just want to let it all out and cry and hug the Korean man or woman – although, they would probably not be too keen on that…

My mom in law finished up and folded all of my laundry! It was so fabulous, not to mention that this was the second weekend in a row they were here… Pure heaven. I got to go out and feel beautiful for two Saturdays in a row!

The strangest thing is going on today, I feel out of sorts… Without purpose – relaxation and I are not friends… Having craziness calm down, feeling kind of empty, and not stressed makes me want to… Scream, eat, worry about the fact that I don’t have any interesting hobbies, feel bored, want to get a job —- hahaha, not really! But, the point is that as a mom, I often feel on auto pilot, catering to their needs, calming their fights, wiping their butts and as much as I dream of a break, once I get it, I don’t know what to do with myself!

The real truth and does anyone know how to stop being a people pleaser?

On By JillIn Mommy Confessions, Mommy Musings, Uncategorized, What's Going On?4 Comments

I would like to tell you the real truth about why I stopped the thirty day happy challenge. Yesterday, I wrote that it was because I already knew that I was joyful. This is still true and I stand by this. Who wouldn’t feel their heart soar with these two…

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This was today in Bed, Bath, and Beyond, trying on the hats! We have fun wherever we go!

I wish that being not being happy and positive was MY ACTUAL PROBLEM. It’s pretty damn easy to take pics of the girls, in various settings, and write captions like “yay” and “cute” because they are. Not to mention that it’s so Facebookish! Or rather fakebook, I mean, let’s be honest, we all pick out our best “kodak moments” (wink wink to Mags for this one) and post them up.

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case and point – my current profile picture- Don’t we look so happy and such a cute family!

So, I am happy but something is weighing on me like the big feet of an elephant! I have people in my head, constantly, I see their faces and can almost feel their thoughts! I suppose I am the chosen one…right? The girl who is responsible for everyone…

OR so I thought! I have read this and heard this so many times – the fact that most people are not thinking about you.

However, I still have been living, geesh, for as long as I can remember like this…
It sort of sucks!

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I wake up, and usually start panicking about my to do list…I always seem to have so much to do… And their is a constant whirl of thoughts going through my brain… Lately it has been about this damn blog, which IS THE MAIN REASON I want to quit it… I just don’t know what to write about, who I should be?

Should I be happy and cheery and make my family happy? I know they feel better when I am cheery, lighthearted, and fun… Should I be tired, drinking, and spent – that is sure to make the sad moms feel better about themselves … Should I be crafty, baking, adventurous? That’s sure to get more web traffic!

And then there’s the baking/ gift giving / social event problem that I have…
Always feel the need to bake, to create perfect gifts, like for teachers, friends, etc…, and worry at social events and parties – am I eating enough of their food? drinking enough? (Well maybe not that one!) Did I bring the right gift… It’s downright exhausting!

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You see my predicament! Might as well just eat worms….but I can’t because they’re gross. And I don’t think I’m going to start a new 30 day challenge of how to stop people pleasing and start people annoying, although my husband would love that!

He is the opposite of me and is always encouraging me to disappoint people, say no, and not to give a flying fuck…he’s not a bad guy…I see you all getting this image of a monster… Sending me referrals for a divorce lawyer!

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He’s just trying to get me to see things differently… So that’s that – just felt like telling the truth… I have a few people to talk to tomorrow about a few situations…. Going to get to bottom of what people really think about baking, gifts, and perfection! Let’s see what information we come up with…

Feel free to comment now folks! Those of you who read this on Facebook, put in your email and comment… It could help other people pleaser problem people who are reading this!