Weary

On July 30, 2014July 30, 2014 By JillIn I need a glass of wine, Mommy Musings, THEMES, What's Going On?7 Comments

Hi All,

Just a quick post tonight – have to just get this out!

I am exhausted!

Weary – from trips, parties, crafts, baking, kids never stop needing me…,mommy, mommy, mommy! I mean I love those smiles, just look at these happy kids ( we went to the zoo today!)

Sneak peak of fish week

Well, to be honest, I don’t this theme week is going to be all that exciting…momma’s feeling burned out.

I feel like I hit a wall. Like I am so bone tired that I can’t seem to pick up the clutter…and dinner is hodge podge…like when husband gets home for dinner, I will just open the fridge, pull lots of things out and line them up on the counter and say, “Surprise – it’s a picky party!”

Pick what you want, heat and eat, and call me in the morning…gee- that doesn’t sound right- I’m not a doctor- but I do feel as if I’ve been making rounds for days on end…

But I’m just feeling weary..

Look at this pile of clothes- I don’t have the energy to put away.

Just don’t have the strength to clean up.

Has anyone just felt so pooped out that they don’t want to do anything except eat and try and get through the day? Piles of junk and dirty clothes galore.

Even writing this post wore me out. Good night.

Five Thoughts about Mommy and Winter Days

On February 16, 2014February 16, 2014 By JillIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

1 We are saving money by not buying clothes.

My youngest daughter wants to wear jammies all day, every day. My oldest daughter likes to wear the same dress every day and since no ones sees us, it’s a win win! At least that’s what I tell myself when we stop at Dunkin Donuts, Panera, Target, and other places on the days we can leave the house! On that note, when I am able to get out of this prison, it does feel like a free for all- it’s like if you’ve been on a strict diet for months, avoiding carbs, sweets, and fried goodies, and then you have your first taste of french fries or a gooey, fudgy brownie with a decadent chocolate frosting – and all hell breaks lose…you started with just one bite and then suddenly the speed at which your forking food into your mouth starts rapidly increasing and you are shoving cookies and chips into your mouth at this point and basically in heaven, all the deprivation that you instilled on yourself melting away…

Oh, got a little carried away there with that description…it’s just I’ve been there done that with the diet/cutting out thing; granted, my quitting of foods whether it be sweets, bagels, snacks, or wine never lasts more than a week, or shamefully, less than a week, but still-when you feel trapped in any way, be it your house, your food restrictions, your ability to use your car (I HOPE THIS PROBLEM IS RESOLVED BY NEXT WEEK !) You can go hog wild when you’re free, but maybe that’s just me.

2 My kids now have no toys

It’s a bad habit I have, purging, cleaning, and throwing away toys, clothes, arts and crafts, you name it- I throw it out when feeling trapped and a slight loss of control.

My friend was here visiting the other day and said to me, “Where are all of the toys? It looks like you just moved in!”

Pitfalls to this habit…

“Mom, why is my pumkin project in the garbage can?”

“Mom- Mom, look what I found in the garbage- another princess toy! This is so cool-

someone is starting to leave us presents in the garbage can!

– “Playdate at Jill’s house …But Mommy- their house is no fun- they don’t have any

toys!”

– You have to be really creative when home all day with your kids…Hmmm, let’s see, what do we have to play with?- Dried macaroni and bowls- perfect!- “Come on girls- were pretending we’re cooks!”

3 Way, way too much eating/drinking

The very first flake graces the ground and I have the flour, the mixing bowl out, the oven on and I’m checking my wine supplies! (Which are becoming alarmingly low)

4 I have adopted a work uniform.

Much like people in jail wear their orange jumpsuit, nurses wear their scrubs, and police officers working for the good of the city, wear their big badges and buttons, I too, wear my black yoga pants, a tank, and a purple, velour, zip up hoody, sometimes I even wear the same thing to bed.

(I know what your thinking, that woman’s poor husband!) Actually, I have been called out by Gia- “Mom, your still in your pajamas!”)

I feel like being trapped in the house lends itself to a uniform- I am like the jailbird (enclosed in these walls), I am a nurse, tending to these girls all day, and definitely a cop, breaking up toddler fights, ensuring the little ones safety, and putting them in jail (time out) when need be.

5 I feel like I’m on a reality TV show

The premise: Stay at home mom never leaves the house, watch her turn tricks and see her roller coaster of emotions throughout the day… She goes from happy, loving mommy to crazed, frustrated, and on the verge of exploding, to looking like a zombie, or kind of blank feeling (i.e. staring out the window for long periods of time) to a compulsive cleaning freak to a laid back and loving the mess, to a snuggler and a cuddler to a GET AWAY FROM ME NOW to a “Let’s have sandwiches cut up in cute ways!” to a frustrated momma flinging food on the table to a Super Mom to Soggy Mom. ok, well, I don’t think I have ever been in the “super” category but soggy for sure, especially after I give the girls their third bath for the day- Hey, it’s an activity and I haven’t thrown out the bath tub – just the bath toys – but those get so gross, has anyone ever squeezed those plastic little duckies that should squirt water out only to find out that flakes of black mildew come shooting out? GROSS!

So that’s that the show folks and this TV show is for mature viewing audiences only.

Running

On January 24, 2014 By JillIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

This morning, I turned into the Target parking lot and saw a mom friend. I steered the car toward her, rolled down my window, and said, “Hey, what’s up? I’m just here picking up a few things.” I was actually there to purchase a set of plastic drinking cups in all the same color. Getting tired of the repeated argument about which color cup one of the girls or their friends get to use.

My mom friend says to me, “Use your time wisely.” I said, “yes,” and laughed. “See you tomorrow at dance class.”

All day long this phrase danced in my head. Use your time wisely, hmm, where have I heard this before – oh right- in school, from a teacher’s mouth, after she doled out her lengthy exam complete with multiple blue books for the essay part.

Exams, schools, teachers, grades…those were stressful times, full of pressure and angst, competing for the A or the right school to get into….

And now here I am feeling this way at 9 A.M. in the morning headed into Target. Actually, I felt relatively calm at this point- until she uttered those words to me. This mom was right! I do feel like these days are races against the clock. Racing to get everyone ready, racing to sweep up crumbs before the next round of food remnants lands on the floor, wiping yogurt off of faces before someone runs into the living room to smear it on the couch, hurrying to pick up toys before the next succession of plastic fruits or sweet shop items line up on the fireplace, jolting upstairs before the little one throws tampons and razors into the toilet bowl ( this actually happened and we had to get a plumber to unclog our toilet – thanks Rocco – also did I mention that I don’t have anything childproofed in my house!) My dear mother said children need to learn the word no.

Apparently, I am not fast enough to be flying all over the house squashing situations with a firm no.

To be perfectly honest, my Mom has seen some of the antics of little one and has since rescinded her “no need to childproof” stance. But I still never lock a single cabinet- I’m such a glutton for punishment. Perhaps I thrive on the daily mysteries of what she will get herself into…We have already seen so so much destruction but that’s for another post!

Back to the marathon… I am often found racing up stairs before the little one knows and screams for me, racing to get the milk in the sippy as fast as I can to stop the whining, hurling myself into the bathroom and onto the toilet before someone tries to wipe me themselves – yup- they sure love to help me with everything, even making sure my hoo ha is clean – rushing to clean the bathroom before a play date, hightailing it to music, dance, and gymnastics class, and much to the chagrin of my husband, sprinting to bedroom so I can just lie in my bed- I don’t even need to go to sleep, just feeling a firm mattress beneath my back is pure joy.

My mind is constantly whirling and worrying – am I doing enough for these girls? Am I teaching them enough, am I providing a stimulating environment? Do they feel loved and nurtured? Are they happy and having enough fun? Are they in the right preschool with the right amount of days? Are they eating enough protein, brushing their teeth enough- gosh, I forgot to give them their vitamins again! Are they going to suffer with some nutritional deficiency?

Being a Mom is truly a scary role when you think about it. We are almost solely responsible for their …everything!

Phew, I seriously feel muscles in my neck tightening up just writing this post. Perhaps I should just go with the advice a friend once told me, “As I see it,” she said with a shrug, “Everyone’s going to need therapy, especially my kids, so don’t sweat it.”

Maybe she’s right… but for now I’m going to try my best, and knowing me, probably keep up this frenetic pace, and do my best to keep them off the therapists couch.