Five Reasons Not to Potty Train before Vacation

A pee – pee licious time at the beach…

Five reasons you shouldn’t potty train right before a vacation.


Perhaps a week of non stop potty training, no diapers, and constant runs to the porcelain princess throne was indeed a great idea. After all the hard work, my baby was pretty much potty trained….and then we had a five hour bumper to bumper traffic filled trip to the beach…you can imagine her confusion when I said, “Just go in your pull up.” We were no where near a bathroom…her eyes got really wide and she kept saying, “bathroom, bathroom,” and I said, “Oh honey, I know this is weird because I have wanted you to use the toilet and now I’m asking you to go in your pants.”

Ok seriously, I was talking to this girl like she could understand this rationalization…she blinked…and started to get hysterical. I was screaming to Tom, “Pull over, pull over…” And he doesn’t. He insists on waiting till we can pull off on an exit…no idea what his strange refusal to just pull over…I think he’s afraid some boogie man is going to come out of the woods and get him…I seriously married a wimp. He won’t even eat a piece of fruit with a smidgen of mold on it…Can you believe that?

Inconvenient Situations

She was doing the “I need to go….” bathroom dance at the pool. I know everyone saw and knew what was up when I whispered to her, “Just go in the pool…” I figured we wouldn’t be able to make it to the public restroom. “Oh Tom, never mind, she doesn’t have to go after all,” I bellowed loudly enough for people to hear after I stood up, hoping no one would notice the pee running down her leg as I urged her to hop back in the pool.

Nothing says vacation like a Golden Shower

We were walking back from the beach. She had to go. “Oh crappolla, ” I thought…we are never going to make it…a sense of panic started to spread through me…I picked her up, and took off.

Ahhh, we have to get to the bathroom…come on Jill, run faster, ignore the searing pain of her shoes digging a hole on my skin, block out the weariness from holding beach bags, a child, beach equipment, sand sticking on my body, sun burned, and parched…just run, just go…I was sprinting at this point and we. were. almost. there…the bathroom was in my vision…and then I felt a warm sensation spread all over me…we didn’t make it.

Porta Potty

When your only 2 years old, many experiences are brand new, eye opening adventures…even the disgusting porta potty can be an interesting experience…

Terror – imagine having just learned to use the potty – a safe, unthreatening pink princess potty or a friendly red Elmo potty and then having to sit on this unfamiliar seat that rests over a very deep drop filled with …which leads me to the next point.

“Mommy, look at all of that poop!” she exclaimed as she stared incredulously into the deep abyss of disgustingness…Ugh, I almost just gagged thinking about that.

And then there was the awful smell, “Mommy, mommy, what’s that smell?”
She probably never smelled something so bad in all of her 34 months…because in my house, “Our shit don’t stink.” Ok, it might, but I just wanted to throw in that expression…

I will never forget the first time I heard that. I was at a friend’s parents party in southern Virginia (I went to college in Virginia) and there were all of these southern ladies talking and this one lady, in her deep southern drawl was like, “I don’t know who she thinks she is, she thinks her shit don’t stink .” I tell ya…Women are the worst with the cattiness! Never ends.

Dining Out
One of the wonderful parts of vacation is NOT COOKING…oh boy, this one is high on my list, as I don’t really enjoy cooking very much…and I certainly don’t miss bending down every three minutes to pick up crumbs and rice off the floor, wipe up spills from pouring water experiments, and constantly telling my child to finish her food before running over to play with a random toy she spies while stuffing her face full of chicken. Arianna is so easily distracted. She would see a scrap of paper on the floor, run over, pick it up, and say that she just found her spaceship. Wild imagination too…

This brings me back to vacation dining out…normally a relaxing, well, somewhat relaxing dinner out, even if it is for the five minutes you get to scarf down your food before your little one is done with her half of a chicken tender – they never seem to eat at restaurants…too busy staring at other patrons, crawling under the table, dumping the salt and pepper shakers, and trying to start a band with the banging of the utensils…ok so maybe eating at restaurants with kids is never relaxing…but that fact, coupled with my need to ask every three minutes, “Do you have to go to the potty?” Obsessively looking in the direction of the restroom so I know where to run, the constant peering at my child to determine if she does indeed have to go, and yes, it’s true, feeling her up- constant checking to see if her underwear is wet – I almost said panties….ew! There’s something so creepy about that word…but in any case, a freshly potty trained gal sitting in her booth at the Lobster House simply does not make for a kick back, rest on your laurels, sip your martini, type of night out. Oh well, at least I actually got a martini! And it was awesome! It was down and dirty, with three blue cheese stuffed olives – delish!

So there you have it – five reasons not to potty train before a vacation!

I know what your up to…

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Potty training jail

I picked Friday, our first free day. We have a lot of activities during the school year so I waited until the schedule was free and we were housebound (As I am writing this, I am questioning everything about my decision making skills….seriously, why would I torture myself like this? Yea, it’s the fifth day at home, during the summer, and I haven’t left the house… kind of in shock just seeing that written…I never stay home!

I feel like a hermit crab, only coming out of her shell to go out back and then quickly back in…running for the toilet…I feel bad for the girls but they are surprisingly happy and having fun together for the most part, definitely each others best friends right now…oh so cute, running around and playing together …I can here a song in my background….”We are faaamily…I’ve got all my sistas with me…”

CRAFTS WITH THE BUSY BOX, courtesy of Tiffany:)

And then the fun is over!


I felt like I was preparing to board Noah’ s Arc prior to this day…stocking up on food, energy, and supplies… Like I was preparing for 40 days of rain …make that 40 days of pee, but I hope to God, it doesn’t take 40 days…

Anyway, the first day I woke up, got my training arsenal ready for the day and planned on an intense, diapers gone, pure potty training session.


Day one – Arianna woke up smiling and calling for mommy, not knowing that her day was going to be a little different…I took her diaper off, and all of a sudden she started to pee and I said, ” Ahh, pee, run…” And we went running to the toilet and she definitely peed on the potty! I did the happy dance and was like, “Yay, potty training!” She snarled at me…she is not one for people to make a fuss around her, especially if she’s in a mood – already she has this distinct personality where she does not want to be looked at or coddled with if she is in a “mood!”

Well, she was not happy when I told her that we weren’t putting on diapers anymore!

“No- I want my diaper, diaper, diaper…” And then a full blown scream… And more screaming…it was not pretty. Then I tried to get her to put on some underwear and she got even more angry…she was like “I don’t like underwear, no underwear !”
Ok then, I thought to myself…let’s forget about the underwear …

So, I decided to spread out all of our underwear choices on the dining room table… I simply mentioned that they were there and left it at that…kind of like leaving out cookies when someone claims they’re on a diet… Sort of temp them in a secret sort of way… NOT LIKE I WOULD EVER DO THAT… but someone I know does…um Dad…anyway, she finally came around to picking out a pair – of course, she picks the Dora ones (should have hid them since we only have two of them) yup- sure enough she wets the first two pairs and refuses to put on any other type of undies… It’s not like I’m go go gadget uber fast super washing mama…


I present her with two m&ms and she’s like, “No, whole bag, I want the bag!”
Won’t bore you with the details but that was a whole different struggle…

Gosh, I remember being in first grade and getting 100% on my spelling test and being able to go up to the teacher’s desk and choose one m&m from the glass jar the teacher had on display and was so happy with that…actually I have a few more thoughts on that subject – one is that… Eww! kind of gross thinking that we were all dipping our hand into that jar, and two…brings back memories of when I was a teacher and I would have treat jars….I was always running to the store to refill it because as soon as 3:45 hit, I was hittin that jar hard…my Mom always called the 4 pm-ish time the witching hour, especially for teachers, when you are so damn hungry, exhausted, and spent, you just want to EAT, and it’s usually not a carrot stick craving!

The day goes on and we kept trying and running to the potty and almost making it…

Four days later, we were still at it…NOT FUN…I think my face says it all…


This is what I wrote yesterday- Monday…

I am not having fun, I am cranky and frustrated. I am currently writing this on my iPad-I only have 19% battery left and while anyone with a brain is thinking, uh duh, go plug in that sucker – I can’t because there is no power in my house…
Tom, “You didn’t have to go to such extremes to stop me from online shopping!” I’m quite sure the people at PSE&G think you might need to see a therapist!”

Kidding – But really, why is there a power outage? It’s a summer day, no rain, what causes these things? All I know is it’s really hot in this house…and while we’re on the subject of this house, things are not going well today! I went upstairs and two, oh great, NOW THREE wasps are in this house! Apparently, there is a nest outside and somehow they’re are finding their way in! I am petrified of wasps –
Pretty much terrified of most bugs… Then the handle on the faucet broke off. This is a picture of the bathroom faucet.

I noticed one of the kids pulled the bling off my throw pillow.

I discovered more crayon works of art in this house .




I am feeling like an inmate in this house!

Today is day four of not leaving! For those of you who regularly read my blog and know me personally, realize that I am going insane! I am experiencing severe pee pee poopied frustration, not to mention feeling creatively stifled… ( I sort of mentally shut down when I feel trapped…which is unfortunate for my kids who are probably craving the old idea mom)
It’s also that “fun time ” of the month…when I am waiting for my monthly visitor.

Perhaps, a bit TMI but I am in a “mood,” not even wine can cure today! The only thing propelling me forward is the thought of the beach…Ahhh…less than a week left till I am free of this house, and as far as the potty, she can just let loose in the ocean!

only 13% left… And this device shuts down soon, we have no tv, no power, and it’s getting darker and hotter….and I’m afraid to go outside because of the wasps in the backyard, and if I go in the front yard, I will scare small children at the dreadful site of me…haven’t showered! hair looks frightening… This is reminiscent of newborn days…ugh…remember those days moms? No sleep, no brushing teeth, feeling like you were in a scene from the night of the living zombie…and I have been rockin the wife beater all week…


Ok, I’m back, power is back on, thank goodness, Gia and I were looking at each other with looks of fear! What were we going to do with no television and internet!

So that was yesterday, and here I am today, day FIVE of this torture, and we haven’t made much progress:( On the bright side, I haven’t spent any money and am so up on laundry, and well, I wish I could say cleaning, but the whole cleaning up pee pee took all my cleaning motivation out of me!