Sick …thoughts about green chocolate covered Oreos

On March 14, 2014March 14, 2014 By JillIn The Cookie Chronicles, UncategorizedLeave a comment

“Wow , that’s a lot of chocolate covered Oreos to eat,” G’s teacher wrote back when I wrote that G wasn’t coming to school today because she was sick (for those readers who were looking forward to a real ‘sick story’ sorry- go search a gross web site!) and would be stuck in the house with dozens of sweet, chocolaty treats in our house. Oh no, I hadn’t even thought about that yet! I was too distracted by the sheer disappointment that G wasn’t going to be able to wear her cute, new, green St. Patty’s day shirt that I suffered to get…and by suffer I mean carting around two kids shouting, “I want a treat, I want a treat,” with the Frozen soundtrack blaring from the IPhone, while they simultaneously tried to jump out of the cart.

I don’t know about you but I always have in the back of my head what’s available for munching and secretly getting into…take right now, for example, I am well aware that half of a chocolate Reese’s peanut butter cup pie is wrapped up five times tight, in Tupperware, beckoning me from the depths of the freezer, on the left hand side to take him out. He because members of the opposite sex sometimes just cause you problems, they can be alluring and then you’re stuck with them like the empty calories you just consumed.

All day long I was thinking about the teacher’s comment. Did she think I was going to eat all of these cookies? Is Ms. A picturing me lounging on the couch and popping cookies into my mouth?

I COULD NOT FIND AN IMAGE OF A WOMAN!!! What does that tell you?

Such a classic stereo type, isn’t it? The stay at home mom popping the bon bons, watching her soaps, while the kids…hmm, I never thought about what the kids were doing? How does this stereotype exist? I don’t know any moms, myself included who ever get the chance to put their feet up… the most relaxing time I have had in the past four years was when I was lying in a hospital bed, post epidural (yea- tried natural with the first and will never do that again!) and waiting for contractions to begin….it was awesome, I read magazines, my parents were watching my firstborn, and I had no guilt that I should be cleaning something, running an errand, researching something, or checking on a child…the nurses were checking on me every 15 minutes or so, I got table service (ice chips a la mode), and there was even a TV for my husband!

That reminds me, a couple of weeks ago, I burst on the scene of preschool pick up bragging about the best hour I just had- “Ladies, Ari feel asleep in the car and I got a coffee and I just sat there.”

A friend laughs and says to me, “Pretty sad that this is the extent of our excitement.”

Yup- pure excitement, like getting your kids to eat a vegetable. I actually felt like getting a medal the other night when they both ate a real meal, and not just the sweet potato fries.

So, back to the thought of me kickin back, reading the latest InTouch, and poppin those sweet delights in my mouth, sounds like a dream…

I wonder if any moms are out there are spending their days doing this? If I see a giddy looking mom on the checkout line at Target or Walmart, with a cart full of movies, chocolate covered almonds and caramel popcorn, and a big ole bottle of Benadryl, I know what she’s up to…

Not a bad idea. (Kidding, people, I would never drug my children – oh wait, didn’t I write in a previous post called Letting Go, that I was letting go of rules!

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Screw the strawberries, gimme the wine

On March 13, 2014March 13, 2014 By JillIn I need a glass of wine2 Comments

I posted a few hours ago on my Facebook fan page that I was having strawberries instead of the glass of wine I so badly n~~eeded~~ wanted. Oops- badly isn’t a word! I had this kooky English teacher in middle school, a bubbly, ditzy, blond with super thick glasses and I remember her chanting “I feel bad, not badly, I feel bad, not badly,I feel bad, not badly” for the entire period while she furiously demonstrated this with her hands. Can you imagine? An entire period of this and they wonder why American children have poor grammar skills…

As I was saying, I was not exactly enjoying these strawberries, so screw that, I needed something else that was red and much more effective at soothing my frazzled nerves.

Today seemed endless. Our one outing (gymnastics class) of the day was canceled, which at first was fine with me…perhaps the two weeks of space between the class will calm the flames of embarrassment. Last week during a typical “shaky eggs,” toddler song and dance, I was completely lost in thought. I was listening and following the instructor’s moves so well that I was up on my feet and doing a “jump up with your eggs” when I noticed that I was the only one doing this! Arianna ran away from the group and was hanging on the bar, the other kids were lost in space, and the parents were just standing around talking. I guess I was just so happy to be listening to a teacher and not doing the teaching, I got caught up in the moment.

Anyways, the day has been trying to say the least. I thought it would be a good idea to make green treats (will post on future blog) for everyone….the preschool class, the two play dates I have, a few friends, and for a St. Patty’s Day Party- seriously, what is wrong with me? Why can’t I relax! Perhaps I should switch to decaf like a friend once suggested to me. A few years ago, we met for a walk with our babies…I rambled on a mile a minute and when our walk was done and she had already gone (or is it went– Mom- I can never remember this!) back in her house, I kept going round and round the block, red faced, huffing and puffing, but I just had so much energy to burn and a lot on my mind (This is actually me every day, unless pharmacologically driven to my bed, either that or I am majorly hung over, and let’s face it, I’m not in my twenties anymore and I have two energizer bunny children so that doesn’t happen very often!

After many laps around the block, and probably a full hour later, she came out and saw me waving frantically to her, “Hey, Amanda, ready for another lap? Later that week, she confronted me and said, “Girl, you have got to switch to decaf!”

So between the cookie creating, and the high pitched background noise (aka my singing daughter), and this month’s song obsession, and by obsession, I mean from morning till night- non-stop singing of the song from My Little Pony “Hey, hey everybody, we’re here to shout what the magic of friendship is all about,” as well as the fact that the girls were fighting so much today that it felt like amateur boxing day here without any breaks between rounds.

CLICK HERE TO HEAR GIA

Then we started painting murals, then stopped, then started, then stopped, something always catching there eye mid stroke to go and do….it truly is bizarre, one minute they’re painting and the next minute their hiding from me- behind the couch, behind the curtain, in their tent, under blankets, and how can we forget the dryer. Remember that post-Hiding Out

“Why do you hide from me G?” I ask, truly perplexed.

“Because I really want to be funny, like more funny than ever.”

I think as soon as she can write, she can take over this blog.

Just a few wrinkles

On March 10, 2014 By JillIn Uncategorized5 Comments

This morning I woke up startled- I felt someone’s presence-I felt something on me, next to me…

I opened my eyes and aghhh, there was a pair of enormous eyes in my face.

I woke up to an inquisitive little girl, holding a magnifying glass over my face and peering intently.

“What are you doing Gia!” I exclaimed.

“Oh, I’m just checking for red marks on your face,” she nonchalantly said.

“What! why?” I was laughing now.

“Oh because if you have red dots on your face, you need to buy this P stuff ( Proactiv), I was watching this on TV and I was seeing if you looked liked this lady with all of these red things on her face,” she stated.

“Hmmmm, let me see, Mom, can you turn your face a little?” she asked.

“Ok, sure Gia, let me know what you see,” I said.

“Oh Mom, no dots, but I do see some lines.”

Well, there you have it- the update on Mom’s skin, just a few wrinkles.

Then I am coming out of the shower and A makes a beeline for my boobs- grabbing at them, saying, “Boobies, boobies, Mommy’s boobies,” and then starts saying, “What’s that Mommy?, Mommy’s but, Mommy’s but, and starts pointing out various freckles, What’s that Mommy? What’s that Mommy? (A tends to repeat everything she says at least three times… “Are you sad mommy, are you sad mommy, are you sad mommy?”

Before you start thinking, oh my – What is going over there, Is this mom ok? We have this series of little books called What are you feeling? It’s pretty cute actually because G likes to read A these books.

Four year old reading genius I tell ya! Nah, she just looks at the pictures and makes up the words- kind of a no brainer, really. Look at this page, it really says, I feel hungry and G reads it, “I feel like I see a floating piece of cheese in my head.”

But A has been really taken with the I feel sad book.

In fact, she asks everybody, including random people at the grocery store, “Are you sad?” I think she and I are going to set up a booth in the mall…

No insurance, low income, not a problem! Discounted therapy here…My child will look deep into people’s eyes and ask “Are you sad?”

We’ll let people get the weight off their shoulder and tells us their woes…

The truth is I think she’s just so excited to be talking these days that she likes to hear herself say words and phrases multiple times.

Later that day, I heard my own voice coming from underneath a blanket on the couch, accompanied with lots of giggling.

What on Earth? Oh right, she’s been recording me again! I don’t know what G finds interesting about watching me do nothing, the videos of me are pretty mundane- it’s just shots of me with my face looking very worried- I always seem to have this forehead wrinkled, tense look going on- in fact, I can’t tell you the number of staff members at various stores like the grocery store, CVS, and Target…coming up to me and saying, “Everything OK, Can I help you find something?” or “You look lost, can I help you?” and probably the most embarrassing of all is “Well, if you and your kids aren’t pure birth control for me than I don’t what is!”

Nonetheless, G will watch recordings of me for hours, cracking up, and then hit play again, laughing even louder – this is getting ridiculous! Between this morning’s face inspection, naked accosting right out of the shower, and being recorded all day, I feel like I am just one life size doll for these girls to play with.

Damn, why can’t I be the Hulk, and scare them away!