Frustrated Stay at Home Mom

Just yesterday I was thinking to myself, you know what, being a stay at home mom is easy- I mean, truly, I don’t have any deadlines, I don’t have a boss breathing down my back, I don’t have annoying coworkers to deal with, I don’t have to commute, I don’t have the stress of having to bring home the bacon…

But after a day like today, I am in shock that I even had those thoughts…

The morning started out with a broken glass, shattered on the kitchen table and all over the tile- glass and liquid everywhere.  I frantically tried to sweep it up, clearly disturbed, and Gia says to me, “But Mommy, your taking too long and I’m huuuungry!”

I looked at her with anger saying “Do you not see what I am doing? Cleaning up the glass that you broke so you don’t step on the slivers that will have us running to the hospital where you will have to get a needle so big….”

“Mom, you left the glass there so it’s your fault,” she retorted.

This statement so eloquently spoken by my daughter was the beginning of my day.  We have a contractor here doing work and my daughter is petrified of any noise that he makes, whether it be banging on the walls , a drill sound, or just his mere presence causes her to scream and cry and run for Mommy- sounds cute doesn’t it but not while you are trying to get two girls dressed and fed and out the door and forget about brushing teeth!

After music class which was still very early in this long day – a 9:30 am class, I temporarily lost my keys- its freezing cold here in New Jersey, I have the two year old in my arms, and I can’t find my car keys anywhere, I am embarrassed to admit I started to tear up, AGAIN…It must be my hormones but I cried a little on the way to music class, Pink’s Just Give Me a Reason blaring in the car, which always makes me cry, just blubbering about how is this my morning over and over again- the rushing, the crying, the frustration, the TOO SMALL clothes- these kids are growing like weeds!

Thank goodness for my friend in music class who actually got out of her car to help me look and she said, “You need another set of eyes.” After searching high and low, she found them in my daughter’s winter coat pocket.

I must have absent mindedly put them in there while busy moaning about my life…

We had a few errands to run in the morning while Gia was at school and it was the usual temper tantrums and such …the day moved on with crying and hysterics on the garage floor, refusing to come inside because I un – snapped her myself.

At this point I was already pooped out but I was invited to a play date- someone I never had a play date with before so I couldn’t cancel on her- first impressions are the most important ones, right? Well, I screwed that one up or rather my two darlings did…get back to that in a second.

In the few hours that we had before heading over to new friend’s house, my daughter, who tortured us with non stop vomiting for a year and a half straight when putting her to bed, decided to revert back to her old ways and hurl the contents of every thing she ate all over my kitchen floor- the reason- I yelled at her, yup, I lost my temper on her, after she insisted on icing the cookies that I made for the play date herself- but the problem was that she was icing and then licking the spoon and the bowl and telling Arianna that she couldn’t help which resulted in major screaming and crying…just writing this is making my heartbeat faster! This is so hard! How do moms do this???

Oh right…they have their children in school for more than two days a week and only two and a half hours at that- I am the only Mom that I know who is basically home all day with these children, and by that I mean children of this age- I know that there are moms who are doing the home schooling thing but they must have some secret, or help, or a husband who comes home at a decent hour!  

We cleaned up, Gia took a mega fast bath to clean off the puke- made it to the play date – the girls were terrible! Arianna screamed and cried when she didn’t get her way and Gia flat out hit me with her dress up magic wand when I said we had to leave…Arianna threw her typical kicking and screaming and thrashing of her legs when I tried to change her diaper, which is always fun at someone else’s house!

The day didn’t get much better and the icing on the cake was the call from my husband saying first he was going to be late and second, his car was dead at the train station.

I didn’t even feel like writing this post because I am tired, frustrated, and to be perfectly honest, sick of writing about these sort of days which seem to happen ever so frequently- I love these girls, I hate these situations.

Something has to change…



Hiding Out


Yup, she’s in the dryer again. 

After enduring thirty minutes of bloodcurdling screaming on the car ride home, including the embarrassing stop at the gas station where the shocked attendant peered in my car in horror as Arianna rolled down her window and continued to cry.  She didn’t even stop wailing after we pulled into the garage, well after Gia and I were back in our warm house. 

Yes – I just left her out there, I figured she would see the desolate four concrete walls, the mess of boxes and old/ dirty toys and random items scattered about so haphazardly that the scene would inspire an episode of Hoarders, and make a run for it, plus, it was freezing out!

She had been worked up, wanting to buckle herself in her car seat – I simply had no time for the usual “do it self” routine that takes forever! Ok not forever, but I am not a patient momma! Definitely trying to work on that …practicing my breathing and self-created mantra- um, uuuum, uuuuum, caalllm mommmy, caaaalm mommy…sounds pretty leveling doesn’t it?  Except that the mantra often is attempted while Gia continues with non-stop chatter.  She does NOT STOP for a breath when trying to get one’s attention.

“Mommy, look at me.  I have no arms. Mommy, look, I have no arms. Where did they go? I have no arms…” and on and on and on…

I say, “Oh my goodness, where did they go? Did someone chop them off?” Pretending I couldn’t see that they were in her shirt.

She laughs and continues to repeat the same thing, and I sound like a dodo head saying the exact response over and over…this kind of thing happens like clockwork around here!

So I am at times repeating my innovative mantra created to instill a calm disposition… a relaxed momma, while the older child repeats things or asks for things, “Can I have a donut? Can I have a donut? Can we please get a donut?” This coupled with “ahhhhh, scream, scream. Scream…do it self, do it self,” all while tears are streaming down her beat red face.  Then there’s me, “uuuuummm, caaaalm momma….breath in, breath out…”

OH HELL, where’s my dryer to hide in!

Oh wait, it’s Friday, early happy hour —yay! I can extol my joy for alcohol today and not feel shameful because it’s Friday! Only people with problems drink during the week, right? Oh, I mean only people with small children drink during the week- well, that’s me so …hmmm, oh whatever- it’s Friday- cheers!

Just to clarify, I am not a complete impatient tyrant or alcoholic.  It was already a long morning.  It was hectic, complete with hiding behind couches and not wanting to get ready, we made muffins, had a play date with friends, and I was anxious to have a breather after the visit at my brother’s. – I mean she almost had five near death situations as she showed off her new twirling moves to my Mom, who was also there.

There is a reason why my home looks like a house of solitary confinement- furniture is dangerous…at least that’s what I tell the guests who walk in our empty foyer.

“Oh did you guys just move in?”   

“No, we’re just trying to prevent a few trips to the emergency room!”

To conclude this saga, Arianna finally came in from the garage and went to her happy place, the dryer.  I let her stay there for a while and then she was lured out with a promise of ice cream…yea, kind of an off week with eating- too many snacks and unplanned meals and I don’t even have that great of an excuse…and believe me, I have an arsenal of them…just take a look at my husband’s text message history…