Going on a bear hunt cake

On March 8, 2014March 9, 2014 By JillIn Uncategorized1 Comment

teddycake — We’re not afaid of these bears!

Playdate tomorrow. What should I make? No chocolate chips in the house since last week I naively deemed them as unfit for our family…not chocolate chips per se, but sweets in general, calling Erin (my weekly playdate friend), last Friday, and telling her that last week’s cookies were the VERY LAST ONES EVER. And here we are an entire week later and boy has my tune changed. I think God must flip a coin at night and heads, Jill is completely neurotic, frantically stopping off at all of her usual haunts, 7-11, CVS, gas station convenience stores (last Thursday, I was in one of these such stores purchasing some “last sweets ever.” You know what I bought – something very random, for me that is – a whoopee pie- do you even know what that is?

I had one once in my life and I actually stole it from a wedding reception- not a wedding I was invited to, just one that was taking place at the restaurant/banquet hall I was having dinner at. We were leaving our dining area and I was very tipsy, and spotted this giant stack of them, they beckoned me to come and get one… or two…They were individually packaged with the couple’s name and date of ceremony and some stupid loved dovey quote- (I am clearly not a romantic, can you tell?)

The usual culprits are an everything bagel with olive cream cheese ( that combination is the absolute best thing on earth- the only problem is that I have a wheat intolerance and a bagel is like flour x 100 and my stomach looks like I am five months pregnant after I eat one….but they are just so so good) or my favorite ice cream sunday- cookie dough icecream, marshmallow sauce, and peanut butter cups…pure peanuty, heavenly pleasure, need I say more? Not to mention blondies, Cheez its, cookies with frosting, and anything with ranch dressing- oh calgon- take me away to a smorgasbord of all my favorite foods…and make it all calorie free.

Needless to say, I marched into the convenience store with Arianna who decided to take every lollypop off the stand, you know those big lollypops, with names like banana cream pie, that are displayed at almost every checkout counter, and looked and looked for my “last sweet ever” and decided on a Whoopie Pie…to be honest, it was the biggest baked item on the rack- I figured Ari and I could share it… I only bought one thing because I was going home to bake chocolate chip cookies and oatmeal cookies for a playdate- you know, the last playdate ever with sweets….( I know what you’re thinking, this lady is completely screwed up!)

Like I said, I think that God flipped the coin to heads that day and it was out of her mind Jill. On the days that I gratefully get a tails, I am much calmer and rational. I stay out of money sucking, junk food serving stores, and … I’m not really sure what I do, let’s see what G has to say, “G, what does mommy do when she is calm, not shopping, or being crazy?”

“You read,” says Gia.

Interesting, because when do I really have time to read? If I do get the rare moment to put my feet up and fire up the IPad, it’s like I am a magnetic force pulling the girls towards me, with their eyes wide like zombies chanting, “Mom, let me see; Mom, let me play; Mom, play music; and the latest and far most horrifying is Mom, let me have the IPad”

This last request is that G wants to record me. She has been sneaking around, recording videos of me, without me knowing….can we say embarrassing? I didn’t even know that she knew how to do this and I dropped her off at my brother’s for an hour while I took A to gymnastics and she played these videos of me, awful shots of me with hair up, roots showing, no makeup, side profile (which I hate- my chin is way shorter than my nose and it’s just not pretty!) Not to mention that I was looking completely perplexed and frazzled in these videos. But then again, that’s the norm around here.

Today, however, I am no longer a culprit of the coin toss, I feel as if I have made major strides in the last week, first I wrote

Let it Go https://thegirlyreports.wordpress.com/2014/03/01/let-it-go/ and the other day I wrote a post about not making life so hard and having more fun and that’s what we are trying to do moving forward.

Damn, I get off subject so easily. Today I decided to do a Going on a Bear Hunt theme. For some reason, visions of teddy grahms were dancing in my head so voilà- we got out the Ipad, fired up the song and reenacted the words on a scene we made at the table. I’m sure you have all heard of “We’re Going on a Bear Hunt” before. There are many versions of this song out there and this is the one we like. The singers’ voices crack us up!

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/101-kids-party-hits/id318874318

Song number 46

We acted out the motions of Going on the Bear Hunt with this scene we created.

That would be grass that G’s fingers are pretending to walk through.

Then I made a cake, from scratch, and you know what – I’m too tired to post the recipe- I made the icing too, without powdered sugar – you want to make it too- find it yourself, but I’ll show you the cake again!

Let it Go

On March 1, 2014March 1, 2014 By JillIn Uncategorized8 Comments

Beware readers, this is a little personal and raw, and not a funny post…also please no comments about feeling sorry for me and it will get better, I’m fine…I’m just figuring things out.

This morning, Gia came bounding in to our bedroom this morning blasting the lyrics to Let it Go, from Frozen and it was like God was intervening in my dreams last night and planned for me to hear this song on repeat today…

Last night I went to bed thinking about the blog that I posted two days ago, feeling like a kid who just struck out for the umpteenth time up at bat, reciting the things that I need to change in my life, the bad habits I have, the weaknesses I keep giving in to, and listing and outlining the promises and proclamations to cut out the cookies, complaining, drinking, and feel happier…

The sad fact is that this has actually been my train of thought for the past twenty two years, minus the wine (that started with children but I don’t think I’m alone there!)

Ever since I was 16 and I realized that I had these big hips and would always struggle with my weight, I went to sleep hating myself, judging myself, thinking of all the things I did incorrectly, from eating something fattening to not exercising enough, to not being organized enough, not studying enough, or not being assertive enough. Obviously that’s an extremely shortened version of twenty two years of pain…but it’s true, I still go to bed to this day thinking about all of the things I do that are wrong or not good enough or how I could change…

change

That is the word that is ruining my life, I actually starting writing this blog thinking that I would change and be different, coming up with these awesome pages filled with colorful crafts, smiling faces, and awesome ideas, like one of those moms you see on daytime television promoting their books called “Stay at home Mom Survival Kit” or “Creative Momma Diva,” or something like that.

Nope- not me, not yet…I would have no right writing a book like that!

I have been too busy beating myself up- take yesterday, for example, I sent cookies over to my brother and was kicking myself because I forgot to add the frosting to make them cookie sandwiches, I was angry that I made them in the first place, promising to quit baking tomorrow, I must have looked in the mirror a dozen times and hated the overgrown roots, the expanded body, the swollen looking face, staring at the half put away laundry, the dirty floor, the lack of creativity with the girls on my part, among about a hundred other negative thoughts!

I told my friend at our play date yesterday that I am never baking again, and these kids are eating too many sweets. She’s like, “Oh don’t worry about it- let them be kids.”

She’s so right, but she has no idea of my history- sorry Erin, you are certainly getting an earful today.

If anyone saw the thousands of text messages to my husband for the past six years, you would seriously call him and take him out for a drink or dinner because you probably would feel so bad for him…

“Tom, let’s get a pizza and champagne tonight because we totally need to celebrate the fact that I am never going to buy chocolate again.”

“Tom- I have totally figured out the secret to this- instead of spending money on trinkets and snacks, I am going to have a stack of index cards with awesome ideas and we’re going to do them every time the kids want a treat.”

“Tom- how about we ….”

“Tom, I’ve been thinking …”

“Tom, I’m going to start a journal and it will have all of these ideas of how to be an inspiration to the girls…”

You get the idea- She’s riding the crazy train, the train wreck is coming to town and she’s taking her family for a ride, or this wacky mommy has been drinking the Kool-Aid again…

I drive this man nuts, and probably my friends and family too with my all or nothing proclamations… I have spent the last twenty two years at odds with my body and fighting an even bigger war with food, hating myself, my choices, my all-consuming obsessions, my flakiness, my indecisiveness, my unassertiveness, my extreme and I mean extreme need to make everyone happy, petrified to have someone mad at me or annoyed with me.

I was a self-help book junkie for a while…

Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives

Tuesdays with Morrie

Who Moved my Cheese

Any and every health and diet book possible in print and online

And you know what – FUCK THIS!

My Mom told me that I had permission to use this word…one of her strongest friends in the world, Sharon, who is now deceased told her it’s ok to say this in times of need so here it is…

Fuck these thoughts- Fuck feeling bad- And Fuck the need to change…

I need to let things go…just like the song- who knew a Disney Movie song could move me so much.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I36Qw86-UH8

These are the lyrics to Let it Go. Click on the youtube link to listen- tell me you don’t get chills listening to this song?

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight,
not a footprint to be seen.
A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I’m the queen.
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside.
Couldn’t keep it in, Heaven knows I tried.
Don’t let them in, don’t let them see.
Be the good girl you always have to be.
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know.
Well, now they know!

Let it go, let it go!
Can’t hold it back any more.
Let it go, let it go!
Turn away and slam the door.
I don’t care what they’re going to say.
Let the storm rage on.
The cold never bothered me anyway.

It’s funny how some distance,
makes everything seem small.
And the fears that once controlled me, can’t get to me at all
It’s time to see what I can do,
to test the limits and break through.
No right, no wrong, no rules for me.
I’m free!

Let it go, let it go.
I am one with the wind and sky.
Let it go, let it go.
You’ll never see me cry.
Here I’ll stand, and here I’ll stay.
Let the storm rage on.

My power flurries through the air into the ground.
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I’m never going back; the past is in the past!

Let it go, let it go.
And I’ll rise like the break of dawn.
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand, in the light of day.

Let the storm rage on!
The cold never bothered me anyway

I don’t want to go to bed anymore with the intention of going through my day like a checklist and reprimanding myself for the mistakes I made, all the while planning on a better tomorrow…Fuck that- ok last fuck, I swear!

I am Letting Go….

I came up with an acronym for the word TREAT since for the longest time, this word has been misused, abused, and thrown around like a hacky sack in my world.

The Webster’s definition of the word treat is an event or item that is out of the ordinary and gives great pleasure.

Whether it has been food or an event, treats in my life have not brought great pleasure- A donut, some ice cream, or sticky candy certainly brings an excited look to the girls, but great pleasure, not so much– I think they’re more happy when I play with them.

Therefore, here is my new mantra for the word TREAT.

T- Today is a new day. Touch your fingers to the sky, breathe deeply, exercise, eat an apple, try things, go places, create works of art, read, play, and dance.

R-Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat – every day, fill your shampoo bottle with a mixture of a somewhat stable routine, somewhat healthy meals (just try your best- chicken nuggets with a side of strawberries, ok, at least it wasn’t Cheez its!), organization, calmness, hugs and kisses, activities, and downtime.

E-Express as little anger as possible to your children. Anger is scary and creates a stressful, anxiety producing household.

A-Accept the good and the bad- the temper tantrums, the sibling fights (ugh!- that really gets under my skin) the vomit, the runny noses, the refusing to get dressed, the new attitude of my older daughter, as well as the cuddles and the hand in hand walking together, the being a normal tired, sometimes frazzled Mom, but mostly happy, and content to play with her kids mom.

T- Take yourself to bed, lie your head down and go to sleep- don’t judge yourself and what you did or didn’t do that day, it was just a day, maybe you succumbed to Wetzel pretzel again and maybe even spent 20 dollars at the dollar store and ordered take out again plus let the girls have candy on the couch…Does that really make you a weak momma or just a human momma?….Try your best but just go to bed, and treat yourself to the thought that you had another blessed day to be Mommy.

Herbal tea

On January 27, 2014January 27, 2014 By JillIn Uncategorized5 Comments

I think I need to take a bit of a break with the daily posts on this blog. Apparently, I am not spending nearly enough time on the extremely important events in my children’s life like the fact that I had no idea that I would have needed to camp out and sleep in my car overnight to get the morning slot for next year at the preschool we now attend! My daughter currently attends this school in town and the registration was this weekend. I sort of heard that a lot of moms wanted this morning slot at this school but I guess I was so involved with blogging lately and attuned to important issues like eating donuts and drinking wine and being silly, that I failed or rather neglected to suck it up and fully commit to the sleepover of all sleepovers! Waiting in line from 4 p.m. Friday afternoon until 9 a.m. the next day to get into the exclusive morning class at the very best preschool in the country!

I mean, my daughter’s entire educational career depends upon this school. I can just forget about scholarships, or an Ivy League education now! Damn you blog for taking me away…ok, the truth is we did make it into the afternoon class so I suppose Gia will still make it in this world, not to mention that I’m sure this isn’t the best school in the country, it’s just the most expensive in this town, thus creating the illusion of the crème of the crop. My husband got on line at 4 a.m. to at least ensure we got into this school. I may not be able to keep my daughter in this school now for other reasons, but the point of this post is I kind of feel that I have been wasting my time a little…

I love writing and it’s a great outlet for me but I feel like the posting every day has been a little obsessive and taking away from my family… not exactly sure if they care…the girls seem much happier to cuddle with their daddy at night anyway…he’s the good guy —I’m the mean one! Oh Mom- looks like I am following in your footsteps! But at this point in my life who do I call almost every day? Sometimes three times a day- sorry Dad, who wouldn’t even be reading this sentence at this point – he sees lots of words and paragraphs as something way too “long.” and I seriously doubt he reads my posts.

Dad may have a point there – when I am looking at other people’s blogs, I tend to see many paragraphs and get kind of bored, we are all so busy and have so much on our plate, who really wants to read about how I love Dunkin Donuts and that my house is a mess! Well, maybe it is comical for the first five posts but after a while, I’m sure you all are rolling your eyes…that Jill, does she do anything except drink coffee and wine, not do her laundry, and talk about what she’s going to do?

I guess the only solution is to switch from wine to herbal tea, send my laundry out to a cleaner, and with all the free time on my hands and laid back disposition, I’ll just start playing with the girls- no need to blog about how I’m going to create all of these index cards full of activities, I’ll just do them! The only problem is I’ll need a money earning job to pay for the laundry…hmm

But seriously, I am a self-admitted obsessive compulsive personality type, but I love my girls and my husband and my family, so so so much and they are my everything so I need to chill out and maybe write every other day…or perhaps just when the mood strikes me.