perfection – The Girly Reports

Yesterday was absolutely freezing, actually beyond freezing, like 1 degree with a windchill of -18 degrees! They canceled her preschool for the day- I secretly rejoice when school is canceled- I love staying in my pajamas with no where to go…well, I love it as well as get a little anxious about it. The wheels start rolling in my brain- what are we going to do? This day has to be amazing with visions of forts and crafts, and litle girls cuddled under the covers while I read them a story !

Wham! Crash- My little just broke a plate, crying ensues , sigh…so much for my Cleaver dream – What was I thinking- this never happens! Its like a dream or a fantasy, one that I’ve seen before, one with rosy cheeked children coming in from the cold and enjoying delicious cups of hot chocolate!

Well, perfect dream day or not, I decided to cookies with G. I decided to deliver some to my cousin and her daughter who live in town and you know what- it felt great. G was so happy to help with the cookies and cousin said it was a nice surprise…so I decided to start

TOO KIND TUESDAYS. Every Tuesday, we will do something kind. Stay tuned.

I spent last night throwing colored index cards into the garbage can. These index cards contained my kids meals written out – all organized and planned, activity cards which were color coordinated with sit down activities, physical activities… You get the idea. I also threw away cans of frosting, chocolate chips and decorating icing! Is this woman insane???? I often ask that myself! The thing is I am exhausted and empty…. Trying to be a supermom who is super organized and happy! It’s a load of crap.

I am a 37 year old mother of two girls age 2 and 4 and while I am always busy and appear happy, I am often anxious and frustrated and not truly enjoying my stay at home mom experience. The truth is that no matter what I attempt to create or organize or plan, it doesn’t last very long… The enjoyment or the feeling of accomplishment. I threw away the chocolate chips and icing because I had them in the house from months of baking and baking and baking… Always having something made for a play group, my daughters party, and to bring to people’s houses. While I enjoy baking to an extent, it was taking time away from my children and not to mention I don’t think anyone would be sad if I just bought something. But it was just part of the perfect, happy package. This just doesn’t exist – at all. This is a fantasy, a picture in a magazine, Something on TV, and no matter what I’ve done, the dream or the plans never match whats going on in the real world- every day with my kids so from now on we are going to try and have more fun, less schedule, and no more lists!

Well, maybe just the grocery list.