Throwing out Perfection

I spent last night throwing colored index cards into the garbage can. These index cards contained my kids meals written out – all organized and planned, activity cards which were color coordinated with sit down activities, physical activities… You get the idea. I also threw away cans of frosting, chocolate chips and decorating icing! Is this woman insane???? I often ask that myself! The thing is I am exhausted and empty…. Trying to be a supermom who is super organized and happy! It’s a load of crap.

I am a 37 year old mother of two girls age 2 and 4 and while I am always busy and appear happy, I am often anxious and frustrated and not truly enjoying my stay at home mom experience.  The truth is that no matter what I attempt to create or organize or plan, it doesn’t last very long… The enjoyment or the feeling of accomplishment.  I threw away the chocolate chips and icing because I had them in the house from months of baking and baking and baking… Always having something made for a play group, my daughters party, and to bring to people’s houses.  While I enjoy baking to an extent, it was taking time away from my children and not to mention I don’t think anyone would be sad if I just bought something. But it was just part of the perfect, happy package. This just doesn’t exist – at all. This is a fantasy, a picture in a magazine, Something on TV, and no matter what I’ve done, the dream or the plans never match whats going on in the real world- every day with my kids so from now on we are going to try and have more fun, less schedule, and no more lists!

Well, maybe just the grocery list.

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