Sick …thoughts about green chocolate covered Oreos


“Wow , that’s a lot of chocolate covered Oreos to eat,” G’s teacher wrote back when I wrote that G wasn’t coming to school today because she was sick (for those readers who were looking forward to a real ‘sick story’ sorry- go search a gross web site!) and would be stuck in the house with dozens of sweet, chocolaty treats in our house. Oh no, I hadn’t even thought about that yet! I was too distracted by the sheer disappointment that G wasn’t going to be able to wear her cute, new, green St. Patty’s day shirt that I suffered to get…and by suffer I mean carting around two kids shouting, “I want a treat, I want a treat,” with the Frozen soundtrack blaring from the IPhone, while they simultaneously tried to jump out of the cart.

I don’t know about you but I always have in the back of my head what’s available for munching and secretly getting into…take right now, for example, I am well aware that half of a chocolate Reese’s peanut butter cup pie is wrapped up five times tight, in Tupperware, beckoning me from the depths of the freezer, on the left hand side to take him out.  He because members of the opposite sex sometimes just cause you problems, they can be alluring and then you’re stuck with them like the empty calories you just consumed.

All day long I was thinking about the teacher’s comment.  Did she think I was going to eat all of these cookies? Is Ms. A picturing me lounging on the couch and popping cookies into my mouth?

I COULD NOT FIND AN IMAGE OF A WOMAN!!! What does that tell you?

Such a classic stereo type, isn’t it? The stay at home mom popping the bon bons, watching her soaps, while the kids…hmm, I never thought about what the kids were doing? How does this stereotype exist? I don’t know any moms, myself included who ever get the chance to put their feet up… the most relaxing time I have had in the past four years was when I was lying in a hospital bed, post epidural (yea- tried natural with the first and will never do that again!) and waiting for contractions to begin….it was awesome, I read magazines, my parents were watching my firstborn, and I had no guilt that I should be cleaning something, running an errand, researching something, or checking on a child…the nurses were checking on me every 15 minutes or so, I got table service (ice chips a la mode), and there was even a TV for my husband!

That reminds me, a couple of weeks ago, I burst on the scene of preschool pick up bragging about the best hour I just had- “Ladies, Ari feel asleep in the car and I got a coffee and I just sat there.”

A friend laughs and says to me, “Pretty sad that this is the extent of our excitement.”

Yup- pure excitement, like getting your kids to eat a vegetable.  I actually felt like getting a medal the other night when they both ate a real meal, and not just the sweet potato fries.

So, back to the thought of me kickin back, reading the latest InTouch, and poppin those sweet delights in my mouth, sounds like a dream…

I wonder if any moms are out there are spending their days doing this? If I see a giddy looking mom on the checkout line at Target or Walmart, with a cart full of movies, chocolate covered almonds and caramel popcorn, and a big ole bottle of Benadryl, I know what she’s up to…

Hmmm, what shall I eat first?

Not a bad idea. (Kidding, people, I would never drug my children – oh wait, didn’t I write in a previous post called Letting Go, that I was letting go of rules!


Forget me Not

After I finish writing this post, I am going online to purchase some dish towels.  Sounds thrilling, doesn’t it? But we need them. I don’t know where they went. I used to have an entire stack of thirsty dish towels but they just disappeared.

What is going on in my life and home? These are not the only items that have mysteriously vanished.  Plastic measuring cups are gone, socks, and various pots and pans…but the most astonishing disappearing act of all is my with-it ness, my former knack of remembering small details, and my short term memory.

It’s really bad, I stand in the kitchen, open a cabinet, and have no idea what I am looking for! I think I’m too young for this sort of problem…oh wait, I think I read about this phenomenon somewhere, it’s called- The Saga of the Brain Cell Sucking Children.

Today, upon entering my favorite store, Target, it’s actually not my favorite, it’s just those red carts are a nice size and the plastic seems softer than other stores for my toddler’s precious behind. I’m kidding- I’m not that obsessed with my child’s utter comfort ( for some reason, I am envisioning those tiny dogs that people tote around – they are called sleeve dogs, and no amount of pampering is too much.)

I’m nothing like that- you should see us hurdling down the sidewalk on a freezing, winter day- kids have no hats, no gloves, coats opened, summer shoes with no socks! I’m telling you, it’s next to impossible to get them out of the house- I am lucky the kids are wearing clothes at all…There’s something to be said for fresh air- it does wonders for your soul- who cares about frostbite?

So after entering Target- for a return, just a return, but on that topic, who can seriously go to Target for just a return?  I always have at least one thing I need or could use.  Take this afternoon, for example, we needed saran wrap, so on the journey to the paper products aisle, I see all of this unnecessary merchandise that I suddenly have to have.

To go all that way to the store, struggle with the very exhausting act of getting my girls ready, out the door, in the car, into the store, and not buy something would seem silly and wasteful of my precious time. Right?    

Within seconds after barreling through the automatic doors, Arianna just took off running. I think she thought we were at the gym and she was going to make sure she got her sprints in before we hit the weights.  That girl saw a Valentine’s Day display of neon pink underwear and made a run for it…

I was in shock, she has run off on me before but never at the onset of the trip. Gia and I went running after her and found her sprawled out underneath a table of clothes.  It really was pretty comical- she is a crazy little girl. She was just laughing and rolling around, come to think of it- maybe she thought she was in music class.

I got her up and we made it back to the cart area where she acquiesced to sitting with the promise of a cookie.   The rest of the outing was typical- a typical trip to Target with little ones…the whining, the asking for treats, and the embarrassing comments.   

“Mommy- why did that girl say hello to me? I don’t even know her,” exclaimed Gia repeatedly.

“You know what, my Mommy said that Daddy is a bummer head,” said an informative Gia to the cashier.

“Do you need tampons?” said Gia loudly.

I put my head down and push the cart as fast as I can to where I have to go…in fact, I was practically sprinting to get out of there today as my head was spinning, my mouth was hurting from the frozen, permanent smiling, that is often plastered on my face when shopping with the girls.  I have truly mastered the calm mommy appearance while out in public.  In fact, I actually was told from a salesclerk once on my way out of Kohls that she and her coworkers were admiring my peaceful demeanor as Arianna was banging on the glass doors screaming “Go, go, go…”

If they only knew what was going on inside my head…”Please God, give me the strength to make it out of here without falling down.” Or “Please help me bypass those chocolates that look so delicious and would in fact give me at least a two minute mental break from the grips of this temper tantrum!”

Once home and reassessing my trip, I realized I forgot the dish towels! Ugh! Darn it- it’s like the worst feeling ever to have forgotten something after all that trouble! It feels like watching a show on my DVR and finding out the tail end of the show was deleted! Just leaves you so let down… and that is how I felt about these dish towels!

Today its dish towels, tomorrow its toilet paper, yesterday it was toothpaste.

What’s next? I’ll most likely forget to feed my children, oh wait, I sometimes do do that.  “What do you mean you’re hungry? Didn’t we just eat?”

“Mommy- I’m huuuungry….” Oops, I totally forgot we left the house, went to dance, music, and CVS, lured Arianna away from the Hallmark cards…the girl loves a good cry, started a craft, and never ate!

So, my second Mommy truth is…drumroll please

Write everything down; develop an organizational system to remember things you need, obligations to be met, and dates to remember because children occupy all the corners of your brain!  Even when you think you have it all together, you’re organized, you’re on top of things, you totally have this mommy thing down pat, your strolling about in Macy’s feeling exceptionally light and free, and you hear a page, “Jill, will you come get your lost party.” 

Gee- what an irresponsible parent losing their child, you think to yourself… Jill, Jill, Jill –  that name sounds awfully familiar.  Oh My God- that’s me!