Hiding Out

On February 1, 2014 By JillIn Uncategorized2 Comments

Yup, she’s in the dryer again.

After enduring thirty minutes of bloodcurdling screaming on the car ride home, including the embarrassing stop at the gas station where the shocked attendant peered in my car in horror as Arianna rolled down her window and continued to cry. She didn’t even stop wailing after we pulled into the garage, well after Gia and I were back in our warm house.

Yes – I just left her out there, I figured she would see the desolate four concrete walls, the mess of boxes and old/ dirty toys and random items scattered about so haphazardly that the scene would inspire an episode of Hoarders, and make a run for it, plus, it was freezing out!

She had been worked up, wanting to buckle herself in her car seat – I simply had no time for the usual “do it self” routine that takes forever! Ok not forever, but I am not a patient momma! Definitely trying to work on that …practicing my breathing and self-created mantra- um, uuuum, uuuuum, caalllm mommmy, caaaalm mommy…sounds pretty leveling doesn’t it? Except that the mantra often is attempted while Gia continues with non-stop chatter. She does NOT STOP for a breath when trying to get one’s attention.

“Mommy, look at me. I have no arms. Mommy, look, I have no arms. Where did they go? I have no arms…” and on and on and on…

I say, “Oh my goodness, where did they go? Did someone chop them off?” Pretending I couldn’t see that they were in her shirt.

She laughs and continues to repeat the same thing, and I sound like a dodo head saying the exact response over and over…this kind of thing happens like clockwork around here!

So I am at times repeating my innovative mantra created to instill a calm disposition… a relaxed momma, while the older child repeats things or asks for things, “Can I have a donut? Can I have a donut? Can we please get a donut?” This coupled with “ahhhhh, scream, scream. Scream…do it self, do it self,” all while tears are streaming down her beat red face. Then there’s me, “uuuuummm, caaaalm momma….breath in, breath out…”

OH HELL, where’s my dryer to hide in!

Oh wait, it’s Friday, early happy hour —yay! I can extol my joy for alcohol today and not feel shameful because it’s Friday! Only people with problems drink during the week, right? Oh, I mean only people with small children drink during the week- well, that’s me so …hmmm, oh whatever- it’s Friday- cheers!

Just to clarify, I am not a complete impatient tyrant or alcoholic. It was already a long morning. It was hectic, complete with hiding behind couches and not wanting to get ready, we made muffins, had a play date with friends, and I was anxious to have a breather after the visit at my brother’s. – I mean she almost had five near death situations as she showed off her new twirling moves to my Mom, who was also there.

There is a reason why my home looks like a house of solitary confinement- furniture is dangerous…at least that’s what I tell the guests who walk in our empty foyer.

“Oh did you guys just move in?”

“No, we’re just trying to prevent a few trips to the emergency room!”

To conclude this saga, Arianna finally came in from the garage and went to her happy place, the dryer. I let her stay there for a while and then she was lured out with a promise of ice cream…yea, kind of an off week with eating- too many snacks and unplanned meals and I don’t even have that great of an excuse…and believe me, I have an arsenal of them…just take a look at my husband’s text message history…

It’s Quitting Time

On January 30, 2014January 30, 2014 By JillIn Uncategorized3 Comments

Call the reporters and newspapers… breaking news…I have learned my first Mommy Lesson…

I don’t know how long I’m going to keep writing this blog but I have decided to start documenting my momma life lessons. I was thinking I would do a lesson a month but don’t hold me to it- that puts me in a box, with four sides, – everything I’m trying to escape from… wish I could escape from the house right about now – there has been so much crying in my ears today I would be happy to go sit in the car, alone, and drive around.

More about that later…well, maybe tomorrow. Oh forget it- let me just say it- today Arianna cried in the car, coming home from gymnastics class because she couldn’t reach her blanky, the entire trip home, not super long, but anyone who has heard my daughter’s extremely loud cry, would deem this ride an eternity. She cried when the furniture delivery people were here, when the mattress people were here…I thinks she’s a racist. They were all Spanish men! The crying continued for one reason or another today! Even Gia was crying and told me she was sad.

Just wanted to get that out there, because at this time, writing this, I have moved on. I am finishing the rest of my mommy juice…it’s only Wednesday. This week is killing me!

Yesterday was my self-created Too Kind Tuesdays and thank our lucky stars, we had a reason for kindness – my dear brother was going in for surgery on his shoulder this morning so we had something to do for our self-appointed day of kindness. I’m kidding about being happy about this. Surgery is no fun.

“Come on girls- Get out the cocoa powder and baking ingredients -we are making brownies, from scratch of course, and making a card,” was instructed for yesterday.”…it was fun, but in the midst of flour flying everywhere, egg shells in the batter, and Arianna trying to get in on the action, it was chaos, the usual mess that ensues with these sort of undertakings.

I love this little vixen so much but she does not make things easy for us. But, she tugs at my heart and is just so polite when she talks, and that coupled with her huge eyes, I simply cannot tell her no…last night when I was putting her to bed, she put her face right next to mine and said, “Mommy, can I please have milk in a sippy?”

Bless her little heart, she is so darn cute- little monster in the making…

After the mixing and pouring, Arianna and Gia fought over who got to lick the bowl, never mind the fact that the sugar would have spoiled their appetite for dinner – wait, what? Dinner, oh, right, probably something I should have thought about… but I didn’t have time for dinner. We needed to finish the card, bake the brownies, and deliver them to Jeff.

It was late and I was tired, but I did commit to doing this so I got the kids in their jammies, loaded them in the car, each clutching on to a lollipop for dear life- I figured it would keep them awake in case one decided to snooze off- isn’t that the worst thing ever, in mommy world, when your child falls asleep at the wrong time thus creating utter havoc in your well planned out day or routine…

I am primarily thinking of my other mom friends who run a tight ship and are sticklers for their routine…I can only dream of being there one day… which kind of brings me to my latest thought.

I am taking down Too Kind Tuesdays and all of the other ideas I have come up with. This is something I tried this month, along with starting this blog, and other various plans and ideas, and like many challenges I take on, they exhaust me…

We love doing kind things for others and the girls are thrilled to bake cookies and write cards, well Gia really. Giving is fun and feels amazingly heartwarming to both parties (at least I think so) but I have personally been feeling like I took on a pressing project or challenge, to keep this up every Tuesday, along with something cool for Wednesdays, or have something funny or enlightening to blog about every other day. Therefore, after thinking, planning, and blogging, I have come to this conclusion. I am finished with rules or unrealistic expectations and I have figured out my first MOMMY TRUTH.

Being a mom is NOT A PROJECT. It’s not a series of small goals and checklists. I want to just lie my head down at night and know that we got through another day with love, a connection, and a commitment to trying my best. I hate the expression “mommy guilt .” If you are feeling guilty, fix it.

This is something I chose because I wanted to be a Mom, I wanted to feel those babies in my arms, I wanted to see those first steps, to read picture books to them, to share drippy ice-cream cones with them, and to just be a Mom.

Fast-forward four years and I still am in love with them, and I want to be happy and relaxed so they can feel the same. I haven’t been feeling this way lately. I can count on my fingers a few reasons why and I will tackle those issues as I go but for now, today- I quit this project, tell the boss I’m done (I’m the boss so that shouldn’t be too hard), I am finished with deadlines, going to clean out my desk (the scraps of paper all over the house with notes like ‘start an inspirational quote book’ or ‘create tickets to recreate a Chucky Cheese prize counter’), yes, I actually was going to do this as well as have a Pink a licious day where we ate everything pink and painted our face pink! I still love this idea but right now, I have two energy sapping life forces in my house that I need to focus on.

So after I quit, and walk out feeling free, I am not looking for new work, I need to focus on the job I already have. Stay tuned for the fun, the funny, but not the regularly scheduled show.

Monday night pizza

It was a long day. A very long day, starting with the typical struggle to get the girls out of the house and then trying to remain somewhat calm for dance class while the two year old screeched and wiggled and looked longingly at the door to the class- she wanted in! She wants in every week. Every week I struggle with her. People with nannies are so lucky! If I had someone to watch her for that one hour a week, I think every muscle in my back would shed tears of joy…To have one hour a week where I could look through the window at my beautiful ballerina princess dancing…ok I’m whining.

After dance a few errands and Arianna and Gia decided to use riding in the carts at Target as an adrenaline pumping ride through the aisles…up, down, up, down, it’s really quite exhausting, and if another passer by tells my children to be careful…

I look at these people and they say to me, “Oh that makes me nervous” Um- ya think it doesn’t make me nervous? Do you think we are training for some sort of acrobat show on carts?

Actually, I am going to say that next time…when Arianna is up on her feet in the infant sitting section of the big red cart- When I get the wary eye from some old woman, I’ll say, “She’s getting pretty good isn’t she? Meet me here next week in the cereal aisle and watch her flip.”

And on and on went the day, Gia spit in my face...I handled it– Olivia Pope in the house….

I ordered a pizza, and mozzarella sticks…ok and opened the red, and it’s only Monday but it felt good- I needed this…seems like such a sacrilege to get pizza on a different day than on a Friday doesn’t it?

I wonder what wild and crazy thing I’ll do next…