It’s Quitting Time

Call the reporters and newspapers… breaking news…I have learned my first Mommy Lesson…

I don’t know how long I’m going to keep writing this blog but I have decided to start documenting my momma life lessons.  I was thinking I would do a lesson a month but don’t hold me to it- that puts me in a box, with four sides, – everything I’m trying to escape from…  wish I could escape from the house right about now – there has been so much crying in my ears today I would be happy to go sit in the car, alone, and drive around.

More about that later…well, maybe tomorrow. Oh forget it- let me just say it- today Arianna cried in the car, coming home from gymnastics class because she couldn’t reach her blanky, the entire trip home, not super long, but anyone who has heard my daughter’s extremely loud cry, would deem this ride an eternity.  She cried when the furniture delivery people were here, when the mattress people were here…I thinks she’s a racist. They were all Spanish men! The crying continued for one reason or another today! Even Gia was crying and told me she was sad.

Just wanted to get that out there, because at this time, writing this, I have moved on. I am finishing the rest of my mommy juice…it’s only Wednesday. This week is killing me!

Yesterday was my self-created Too Kind Tuesdays and thank our lucky stars, we had a reason for kindness – my dear brother was going in for surgery on his shoulder this morning so we had something to do for our self-appointed day of kindness. I’m kidding about being happy about this. Surgery is no fun.

“Come on girls-  Get out the cocoa powder and baking ingredients -we are making brownies, from scratch of course, and making a card,” was instructed for yesterday.”…it was fun, but in the midst of flour flying everywhere, egg shells in the batter, and Arianna trying to get in on the action, it was chaos, the usual mess that ensues with these sort of undertakings.

I love this little vixen so much but she does not make things easy for us.  But, she tugs at my heart and is just so polite when she talks, and that coupled with her huge eyes, I simply cannot tell her no…last night when I was putting her to bed, she put her face right next to mine and said, “Mommy, can I please have milk in a sippy?”

Bless her little heart, she is so darn cute- little monster in the making…

After the mixing and pouring, Arianna and Gia fought over who got to lick the bowl, never mind the fact that the sugar would have spoiled their appetite for dinner – wait, what? Dinner, oh, right, probably something I should have thought about… but I didn’t have time for dinner. We needed to finish the card, bake the brownies, and deliver them to Jeff.

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It was late and I was tired, but I did commit to doing this so I got the kids in their jammies, loaded them in the car, each clutching on to a lollipop for dear life- I figured it would keep them awake in case one decided to snooze off- isn’t that the worst thing ever, in mommy world, when your child falls asleep at the wrong time thus creating utter havoc in your well planned out day or routine…

I am primarily thinking of my other mom friends who run a tight ship and are sticklers for their routine…I can only dream of being there one day… which kind of brings me to my latest thought.

I am taking down Too Kind Tuesdays and all of the other ideas I have come up with.  This is something I tried this month, along with starting this blog, and other various plans and ideas, and like many challenges I take on, they exhaust me…

We love doing kind things for others and the girls are thrilled to bake cookies and write cards, well Gia really.  Giving is fun and feels amazingly heartwarming to both parties (at least I think so) but I have personally been feeling like I took on a pressing project or challenge, to keep this up every Tuesday, along with something cool for Wednesdays, or have something funny or enlightening to blog about every other day.  Therefore, after thinking, planning, and blogging, I have come to this conclusion. I am finished with rules or unrealistic expectations and I have figured out my first MOMMY TRUTH.

Being a mom is NOT A PROJECT. It’s not  a series of small goals and checklists.  I want to just lie my head down at night and know that we got through another day with love, a connection, and  a commitment to trying my best.  I hate the expression “mommy guilt .”  If you are feeling guilty, fix it.

This is something I chose because I wanted to be a Mom, I wanted to feel those babies in my arms, I wanted to see those first steps, to read picture books to them, to share drippy ice-cream cones with them, and to just be a Mom.

 Fast-forward four years and I still am in love with them, and I want to be happy and relaxed so they can feel the same. I haven’t been feeling this way lately. I can count on my fingers a few reasons why and I will tackle those issues as I go but for now, today- I quit this project, tell the boss I’m done (I’m the boss so that shouldn’t be too hard), I am finished with deadlines, going to clean out my desk (the scraps of paper all over the house with notes like ‘start an inspirational quote book’ or ‘create tickets to recreate a Chucky Cheese prize counter’), yes, I actually was going to do this as well as have a Pink a licious day where we ate everything pink and painted our face pink! I still love this idea but right now, I have two energy sapping life forces in my house that I need to focus on.   

So after I quit, and walk out feeling free, I am not looking for new work, I need to focus on the job I already have. Stay tuned for the fun, the funny, but not the regularly scheduled show.

 

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