It’s Quitting Time

On January 30, 2014January 30, 2014 By JillIn Uncategorized3 Comments

Call the reporters and newspapers… breaking news…I have learned my first Mommy Lesson…

I don’t know how long I’m going to keep writing this blog but I have decided to start documenting my momma life lessons. I was thinking I would do a lesson a month but don’t hold me to it- that puts me in a box, with four sides, – everything I’m trying to escape from… wish I could escape from the house right about now – there has been so much crying in my ears today I would be happy to go sit in the car, alone, and drive around.

More about that later…well, maybe tomorrow. Oh forget it- let me just say it- today Arianna cried in the car, coming home from gymnastics class because she couldn’t reach her blanky, the entire trip home, not super long, but anyone who has heard my daughter’s extremely loud cry, would deem this ride an eternity. She cried when the furniture delivery people were here, when the mattress people were here…I thinks she’s a racist. They were all Spanish men! The crying continued for one reason or another today! Even Gia was crying and told me she was sad.

Just wanted to get that out there, because at this time, writing this, I have moved on. I am finishing the rest of my mommy juice…it’s only Wednesday. This week is killing me!

Yesterday was my self-created Too Kind Tuesdays and thank our lucky stars, we had a reason for kindness – my dear brother was going in for surgery on his shoulder this morning so we had something to do for our self-appointed day of kindness. I’m kidding about being happy about this. Surgery is no fun.

“Come on girls- Get out the cocoa powder and baking ingredients -we are making brownies, from scratch of course, and making a card,” was instructed for yesterday.”…it was fun, but in the midst of flour flying everywhere, egg shells in the batter, and Arianna trying to get in on the action, it was chaos, the usual mess that ensues with these sort of undertakings.

I love this little vixen so much but she does not make things easy for us. But, she tugs at my heart and is just so polite when she talks, and that coupled with her huge eyes, I simply cannot tell her no…last night when I was putting her to bed, she put her face right next to mine and said, “Mommy, can I please have milk in a sippy?”

Bless her little heart, she is so darn cute- little monster in the making…

After the mixing and pouring, Arianna and Gia fought over who got to lick the bowl, never mind the fact that the sugar would have spoiled their appetite for dinner – wait, what? Dinner, oh, right, probably something I should have thought about… but I didn’t have time for dinner. We needed to finish the card, bake the brownies, and deliver them to Jeff.

It was late and I was tired, but I did commit to doing this so I got the kids in their jammies, loaded them in the car, each clutching on to a lollipop for dear life- I figured it would keep them awake in case one decided to snooze off- isn’t that the worst thing ever, in mommy world, when your child falls asleep at the wrong time thus creating utter havoc in your well planned out day or routine…

I am primarily thinking of my other mom friends who run a tight ship and are sticklers for their routine…I can only dream of being there one day… which kind of brings me to my latest thought.

I am taking down Too Kind Tuesdays and all of the other ideas I have come up with. This is something I tried this month, along with starting this blog, and other various plans and ideas, and like many challenges I take on, they exhaust me…

We love doing kind things for others and the girls are thrilled to bake cookies and write cards, well Gia really. Giving is fun and feels amazingly heartwarming to both parties (at least I think so) but I have personally been feeling like I took on a pressing project or challenge, to keep this up every Tuesday, along with something cool for Wednesdays, or have something funny or enlightening to blog about every other day. Therefore, after thinking, planning, and blogging, I have come to this conclusion. I am finished with rules or unrealistic expectations and I have figured out my first MOMMY TRUTH.

Being a mom is NOT A PROJECT. It’s not a series of small goals and checklists. I want to just lie my head down at night and know that we got through another day with love, a connection, and a commitment to trying my best. I hate the expression “mommy guilt .” If you are feeling guilty, fix it.

This is something I chose because I wanted to be a Mom, I wanted to feel those babies in my arms, I wanted to see those first steps, to read picture books to them, to share drippy ice-cream cones with them, and to just be a Mom.

Fast-forward four years and I still am in love with them, and I want to be happy and relaxed so they can feel the same. I haven’t been feeling this way lately. I can count on my fingers a few reasons why and I will tackle those issues as I go but for now, today- I quit this project, tell the boss I’m done (I’m the boss so that shouldn’t be too hard), I am finished with deadlines, going to clean out my desk (the scraps of paper all over the house with notes like ‘start an inspirational quote book’ or ‘create tickets to recreate a Chucky Cheese prize counter’), yes, I actually was going to do this as well as have a Pink a licious day where we ate everything pink and painted our face pink! I still love this idea but right now, I have two energy sapping life forces in my house that I need to focus on.

So after I quit, and walk out feeling free, I am not looking for new work, I need to focus on the job I already have. Stay tuned for the fun, the funny, but not the regularly scheduled show.

Pop goes the mommy

On January 22, 2014January 22, 2014 By JillIn Uncategorized5 Comments

There is currently blue icing and white decorator’s pearls on my car’s leather seats. I am currently worn out. And I am currently rethinking my lofty ideas about this blog.

Today was Too Kind Tuesday and this by far is my favorite idea day. Today at Gia’s preschool it was wear blue day since they are working on the color blue this month. Blue, kind of appropriate for my mood.

We decided to make blue cupcakes for the preschool class.

I had to wake up extra early today so I could make icing, dye the icing blue, and slap some on the cupcakes Gia and I made for too kind Tuesday. I loved making these with her but I had to do this last night after we spent all day making a craft, and well, being a mom.

I feel like I sit down to write these posts and it simplifies my life, like it’s just one craft, fun idea, and outing after the next BUT there is so much chaos that goes on from morning till night and my little one does not go down easily. I took out books from the library a few days ago and they sit on my nightstand torturing me…

They are stacked up and I feel as if they are saying, “We are full of sexy men, fun stories, fabulous women, waiting to entertain you and give you a break BUT hahahaha- it’s too bad you never can get to us!”

Maybe I’ll pull an Arianna and just knock them off- take that books!

Back to the carseats. After a completely rushed morning and I am talking making oatmeal, icing cupcakes, getting two slowpokes ready and dressed and out the door, does oatmeal smeared on Gia’s too tight pants and tiny top count. Yes, Gia insisted on wearing this blue (for blue day) sweater that was a bit revealing, like I think if this wasn’t preschool, I might have gotten a call from the school!

Arianna had ketchup on her forehead, and yes, um, hide my shameful face, it was from last night- they didn’t take baths because we didn’t have hot water for a while because of a plumbing situation and I guess my lazy bones didn’t see it or was just so tired. I mean, we couldn’t get her to sleep till ten-thirty – thank you to my husband who mercifully laid down with her after I came downstairs proclaiming, “I don’t care, let her scream, and kick the door down, I’m done!”

P.S. I never saw him after that…he fell asleep in there and I feel asleep doing who knows, probably crying! Oh wait, I gave up crying for New Years!

So, I was already frazzled , had to drop Gia off, drive over to music class, sing and dance for 45 minutes with Moms and Tots , and I do mean dance. The instructor put on the music, was shaking her hips and just got her boogie on. Gia would have fit in well this morning with her belly baring outfit.

Got Gia, drove home, went to pick up the cupcake container and the lid wasn’t closed because I peeked on the way home to see how many were left. And you know the rest… blue icing everywhere.

Plus, the kitchen was messy, those darn laundry baskets were filled again, why does everybody throw their clothes in after one wearing? – I mean, I wear clothes for weeks until I wash them…hmm, no wonder none of the Moms sit next to me during story time !

Anyway, I just feel …like I am treading water here, and my girls desperately need me. They don’t really need a project and something cool and different to come up with – I mean, all I do is sit on the floor and they climb all over me, why hadn’t I seen this before? I mean I think I’ve said it but I sometimes can’t grasp it that they just want me, not the energizer bunny, drinking a thousand cups of coffee, always baking, and trying to come up with an exciting craft.

Did I just say “exciting craft?” Yea- exactly, that’s the problem here, I actually don’t find crafts exciting…

In fact, maybe I’m the one who’s exciting? Never mind the colored paper and glue – My Husband did tell me after a few dates that I was the craziest person he ever met…forget Michaels- girls, get your cutest outfits on – we are going o u t. Hello Chucky Cheese!

But in all seriousness, I am only committing myself to Too Kind Tuesdays and instead of Wonderific Wednesdays, how about just Pops (a page about ideas that pop in my head).

I just thought of something – Entenmann’s sells Pop’ ems, which are mini donuts- it’s meant to be.

Plus, the word pop suits me. I have ideas popping in my head from sunrise until sunset…Pop goes the Mommy…

What the flute

On January 15, 2014January 15, 2014 By JillIn Uncategorized1 Comment

I am exhausted, and not just the I’ve had a long day kind of tired but a feeling that part of my brain, the part that is supposed to have parental know how is completely stretched out.

I have listened to a four year old cry, plead, throw herself on the floor, and run out into the street – all for a dollar plastic harmonica…

Today is Tuesday and as I stated before, we planned on doing something thoughtful for Too Kind Tuesdays. Since we had leftover marshmallows from yesterday’s craft, we made purple, heart shaped rice krispie treats. We were giving them to Gia’s best friend, who we were meeting with, along with her mom and baby sister at Dunkin Donuts.

Creatively decorating a Lorna doone cookie box

Gia wrote her a little note and then we used a cookie box, covered it in tin foil and decorated it with stickers.

hearttreat — Looks like Valentine’s Day came early

Gia’s friend got her special box and we were going to have a nice afternoon.

Coffee in hand, donuts on the table, we were happy as could be…that is…for five minutes until four sugar crazed girls were running amok, giggling and playing, actually more like screaming- they all have Italian in their blood- they’re loud!

We grabbed our coffees and skedaddled out to the dollar store. Another brilliant idea – taking little children into stores with tons of little, plastic toys – recipe for disaster.

Take a look around at Moms’ faces in stores- they are typically reprimanding their children, explaining to them why they can’t have something, or just tense and waiting – holding their breath and praying they can get out without a temper tantrum.

“I want three toys,” demanded Gia.

No, I said, “You only get one toy.”

“I make the rules and I get three,”said Gia.

“I’m sorry Gia but I said you get one toy for ten stickers from your teeth brushing chart,” I said.

“You’re the meanest mom ever,” Gia pouted, and then said, “I make the rules and I get three toys.”

“Gia, you won’t get any toys if you continue on this way,” I said, feeling slightly frustrated.

“Ok I want this flute and the princess castle,” she came up with.

“I said one toy!” My blood was beginning to boil as we went back and forth about this.

“Ok I’ll take the flute,” she finally consented.

“Thank goodness,” I thought to myself because I was about to lose it!

We make it to the register, pay for the flute, and I open the package for her. She plays with it for no less than a minute says, “I don’t want the flute anymore. I don’t like it. I really wanted the harmonica.”

I feel myself go white and have a sinking feeling as I realize the worst is yet to come.

I take a deep breath and calmly say, “I’m sorry you don’t like the flute but you chose it, maybe next time we can get the harmonica.”

Tears, rage, and defiance fill this adorable little face of hers. A sweet puppy transformed into a ferocious bull dog.

“I don’t want this anymore, I don’t like this flute. I want the harmonica!!! Please, please, please,” she is literally throwing herself at me now.

We manage to get outside and the fit of rage continues on the sidewalk. She is pressed up against the store front, bright red, and crying. ( I am seeing activist in her future with her arms spread wide in front of a National Park trying to end destruction of trees…)

This goes on quite a while as visions of big glasses of delicious wine dance in my head, as well as a bubbly, hot pizza so I don’t have to make dinner, and Grandma taking them away for a sleepover…

Ok- focus Jill- “What should I do? Should I just go in and buy the damn harmonica or do I be the tough mommy, sticking to my guns…This could be over in seconds if I simply buy that little piece of plastic that costs one dollar and will most likely break anyway – but I can’t, no I can’t, “ I am in charge, I am the boss,” I say to myself like some desperate dodo practicing what they repeatedly listened to from a self-help audio book.

I choose not to buy the harmonica. I pick that writhing, mad little bundle up, and force her into the car, strap her and her sister in, start the car, and do my best to ignore the screams and pleadings to “Please, please, please can we go back and get the harmonica!”

The rest of the evening wasn’t the most relaxing ever but G finally managed to move past this tragedy in her life. And you know how, (don’t know why I didn’t think of this before- I told her that Daddy played the flute when he was little and I’m sure he would be so excited to hear her play).

And that is the conclusion of this Too Kind Tuesday… now I am going to be kind to myself and put my feet up, read, and relax…

“Moooomy, Moooomy, Mommy- help- Ari pooped in the bath and it is so so disgusting.” Well, maybe not.