simple mom – The Girly Reports

My girls are strange. I am going to make it work for me…

1) Scared

“The kids are going to love these,” I thought to myself as I picked up a bag of smiley fries. I am always looking for creative ways to present food and this was a no brainer. I couldn’t wait to serve them up.

“AHHHHH,” Ari screamed when she peeked through the glass oven door. Her eyes wide and rimmed with tears, she clung on to me with dear life. “Scared,” she whimpered…

I couldn’t help but laugh and then I realized I could seriously use this to my advantage. I took a picture of the scary smiley’s, got it developed, and blew it into a life size poster. Next time I need some privacy, I will simply tape up the smileys and go into my room of choice. Voila – nobody’s gonna get me in here…

Always comes in handy to sleep with tools

2) Love of tools

Perhaps we went to Home Depot a few too many times but Arianna is simply obsessed with tools. Everywhere I go, there are screwdrivers, nuts and bolts, hex wrenches, and nails…teddybear who? She has even been sleeping with these comforting metal friends.

Strangest thing, right? The more I thought about this, I realized that this was quite a money saving situation. “Hey kids, want to get a treat!” We’re going to the hardware store! Never mind toys, nails and washers are like 25 cents a piece.

3)Obsessive

Ever watch one of those cop shows or movie thrillers where one of the characters is a major psychopath. His hideout has a wall completely filled with people’s eyes or something like that.

Imagine my horror when I picked up my cell phone, went to look for a picture, and ahh- hundreds of pictures of Ruby!

And, as if that wasn’t enough, hundreds more of this magnetic doll. My goodness, obsessive child I have!

Ok, let’s make this work for me, I thought to myself…clearly, the girls love taking pictures so next time we’re bored, we’ll take pictures of anything, our stuffed animals, other people’s mailboxes, odd holiday decor on neighboring houses…we can develop them and create photo albums. You can find cheapy albums at the dollar store. They can have their own collection of 100 pictures of “Mr. Bear, Stephanie, the unicorn, and whoever else.” Leave it off my phone!

4) The banana situation

For the past two weeks, Arianna has been asking for a banana- Gia eats one as often as she can – she is part monkey, I swear, always climbing on the counters and eating them. I figured little sis was just following in her footsteps but it turns out, she just enjoys peeling them and throwing the peel and the banana in the garbage! I thought it was just a one time thing until I noticed she was doing it every day.

“Ari, why are you asking for bananas when you don’t like them?” I asked.

“I like phone,” she says…

girlsbanana — Now that’s what I’m talking about!

Ok – so the girl has a thing for peeling bananas, she just likes to peel…this is really going to come in handy for me- I see a future full of silver surprises – “Come on Ari, put the toy doll down,” I have a treat for you. Flash her an aluminum wrapped anything. I’ll just regift from my own house!

So happy to get this present.

“Oh, Mommy, present, present, for me?”

And the amazing present…

“Wow, this is awesome, a new ball,” she said excitedly…I literally just picked this up from the basket of toys in our family room.

Anyone else have any kid’s odd behavior to share?

I was thinking long and hard about this snacking dilemma…from yesterday’s post

less snacks (I know what your thinking- Jill, just shut up about this already) and I know what my Mom is thinking (ok Jill, give them less treats and give us all a break and don’t talk about it anymore!) Hell, even I’m thinking it but I have to write this post.

I remember this story about a boy caught with cigarettes. His dad wanted to teach him a lesson so he made him smoke like five packs or something crazy like that. Wheels rolling…

“Come here Gia…you have a lot of sugar to eat…”

KIDDING!!!

I couldn’t really do that! Solution #2

We’ll analyze Arianna and see what happens to her (kind of like a this is your brain on crack scare tactic, remember those commercials?)

You should have seen the little one after 100 lollypops, she was like a pinball on fire. She ran around the house for two hours straight…in fact, she’s still running…

Again, KIDDING- Don’t call child services on me…yet.

What I did come up with was all of these reward plans, one where I had ten paper pieces of a donut and I was going to staple together every time Gia ate a meal. Then I had this jar, where I would put in a gem in when she followed directions. I also had one for brushing teeth…I am feeling stressed just writing this, in fact, today, I completely forgot which jar was for what and what the plan was..

Aghhh!!! I am such a try everything mess. It took me so long to pack for today’s outing, with these jars and staplers, and I ended up forgetting what everything meant!

Later in the day, Gia was like, “Now where does this go,” about something that she did right. I looked at her, bewildered…no idea.

Something just hit me then and I started laughing…this is ridiculous. The hoops sometimes we jump through for basic life stuff. We’re not talking about getting kids into Harvard here, just eat a sandwich and not get a donut every time we’re out!

STOP THE MADNESS

There has to be a better way!

Remember back in the day when NO was enough!

Remember when kids ate three meals a day, a snack or two, and getting an ice-cream cone on a hot day was just a simple pleasure of life.

Remember when a kid just brushed teeth with a no frills brush. Now they light up, buzz, are personalized, have stickers to decorate, and even talk to you. So do some potty’s by the way, just went on a potty run and am amazed at these flushing, talking potties…” “Hurray, you went potty.”

Hurray!!! I quit.

Why am I and millions of other Moms making parenting a project?

I have this image in my head of me standing on a long line of weary moms, waiting to hand in a thick portfolio to the boss (a mix of an imaginary Mother Theresa and Martha Stewart ). This boss person looks through the arts and crafts scrapbook of wonder, the eating section(organic, made from scratch, well thought out meals, creative and cute), stimulating activities, the organized day, the spotless house, the proper discipline, the “right” activities, Mom’s knowledge of the latest brain building exercise, etc).

Mom waits with bated breath, Do I pass? Do I win? Do I move on to the next level?

SHE DOES- she wins! She gets a trophy, she looks around to show her kids- they are gone.

They ran off. They’re playing at the neighbor’s house.

They are laughing, smiling, and playing with some kids and their relaxed, just happy to be a mom, getting on the floor and being silly, no frills mom.