Future simple mom

On March 25, 2014 By JillIn Health eating, Mommy Confessions, Sugar and Snack Less, Uncategorized2 Comments

I was thinking long and hard about this snacking dilemma…from yesterday’s post

less snacks (I know what your thinking- Jill, just shut up about this already) and I know what my Mom is thinking (ok Jill, give them less treats and give us all a break and don’t talk about it anymore!) Hell, even I’m thinking it but I have to write this post.

I remember this story about a boy caught with cigarettes. His dad wanted to teach him a lesson so he made him smoke like five packs or something crazy like that. Wheels rolling…

“Come here Gia…you have a lot of sugar to eat…”

KIDDING!!!

I couldn’t really do that! Solution #2

We’ll analyze Arianna and see what happens to her (kind of like a this is your brain on crack scare tactic, remember those commercials?)

You should have seen the little one after 100 lollypops, she was like a pinball on fire. She ran around the house for two hours straight…in fact, she’s still running…

Again, KIDDING- Don’t call child services on me…yet.

What I did come up with was all of these reward plans, one where I had ten paper pieces of a donut and I was going to staple together every time Gia ate a meal. Then I had this jar, where I would put in a gem in when she followed directions. I also had one for brushing teeth…I am feeling stressed just writing this, in fact, today, I completely forgot which jar was for what and what the plan was..

Aghhh!!! I am such a try everything mess. It took me so long to pack for today’s outing, with these jars and staplers, and I ended up forgetting what everything meant!

Later in the day, Gia was like, “Now where does this go,” about something that she did right. I looked at her, bewildered…no idea.

Something just hit me then and I started laughing…this is ridiculous. The hoops sometimes we jump through for basic life stuff. We’re not talking about getting kids into Harvard here, just eat a sandwich and not get a donut every time we’re out!

STOP THE MADNESS

There has to be a better way!

Remember back in the day when NO was enough!

Remember when kids ate three meals a day, a snack or two, and getting an ice-cream cone on a hot day was just a simple pleasure of life.

Remember when a kid just brushed teeth with a no frills brush. Now they light up, buzz, are personalized, have stickers to decorate, and even talk to you. So do some potty’s by the way, just went on a potty run and am amazed at these flushing, talking potties…” “Hurray, you went potty.”

Hurray!!! I quit.

Why am I and millions of other Moms making parenting a project?

I have this image in my head of me standing on a long line of weary moms, waiting to hand in a thick portfolio to the boss (a mix of an imaginary Mother Theresa and Martha Stewart ). This boss person looks through the arts and crafts scrapbook of wonder, the eating section(organic, made from scratch, well thought out meals, creative and cute), stimulating activities, the organized day, the spotless house, the proper discipline, the “right” activities, Mom’s knowledge of the latest brain building exercise, etc).

Mom waits with bated breath, Do I pass? Do I win? Do I move on to the next level?

SHE DOES- she wins! She gets a trophy, she looks around to show her kids- they are gone.

They ran off. They’re playing at the neighbor’s house.

They are laughing, smiling, and playing with some kids and their relaxed, just happy to be a mom, getting on the floor and being silly, no frills mom.

Snack less

On March 23, 2014March 24, 2014 By JillIn Health eating, I need a glass of wine, Mommy Confessions, Mommy Musings, Sugar and Snack Less, Uncategorized4 Comments

Gather the horses, sharpen the swords, get all your man power together to guard the castle door. Hold it strong and steady— I am starting to wage a war against the SUGAR MONSTERS and other offenders like the SALT SNATCHERS.

This mom is sugared out, chocolate out, and frosted out…the circuits in her brain are firing as fast as firecrackers… “marshmallows, oreos, sprinkles, cookies, treats…”

Its been bad, Ari has been talking in her sleep saying “I want chocolate,” and waking up saying M&M’s. Gia wants a donut practically every time we leave the house, my closet is jam packed with junk, and my car is so crunchy with crackers, the bugs have been salivating at the idea of getting in!

Ok, that was gross. But seriously, I don’t know how it’s gotten to this. I used to be the healthiest person. I was a Health Science major in college, I taught spinning classes, and I used to annoy the hell out of friends and family by talking about food and nutrition.

I think it started when I began going to play dates and I saw all of this junk food in people’s houses. I remember this one mom who fed her daughter a chocolate frosted donut for breakfast. Other moms had closets full of cookies and sugar cereals…their kids seemed fine, and I slowly slipped away from my strict dietary rules (I just had one child at the time as well). Month by month, I slacked more and more and found it easier to just say “yes” rather than deal with the howling.

Get out the violins…oh sorry story, poor Jill, swept under the sea of sugar and never battled the waves of whipped cream! So here we are, my kids are 4 and 2 and I need to fix this. Snacky nanny 911 to the rescue!

One other embarrassing secret I need to admit. I am struggling with the snacks as well…oh wait, that’s no secret! I write about this all of the time…I think I have eaten the past…um, really embarrassed about this, like twenty…thousand bags of goldfish and of course Cheez its. I always buy them for the kids and end up on the couch with my wine, munching away! I am such a cliché! Doesn’t every health and fitness magazine say, don’t eat on the couch, in the dark, mindlessly watching TV or when you’re tired and stressed.

Ok, so it’s me and the girls starting fresh, and trying to get better at eating better, like less snacks, more meals…I will be brainstorming ideas to get us on the path less traveled by Mr. Goldfish, Mrs. Donut, and Ms. Cookie. Stay tuned for my weekly report of snack less, smile more…and please no judgment people, I am a work in progress. Not striving for perfection here, like last week when I endured the MOST HELLISH trip to the pediatrician’s office with my little one who screamed and thrashed like a scene from my bloody Valentine…we got a donut after and I had a BIG GLASS(s) of wine.

Maybe I’m a boring blogger

On March 16, 2014 By JillIn Mommy Confessions, Uncategorized4 Comments

Last night I cried. I sat on the couch, it was two A.M. I thought about my girls, mostly Gia, and how I neglected her a lot this week. She wanted to play with me. I wanted to do blog stuff. I crawled into bed with her last night, cuddled up to a sleeping beauty, and whispered how much I loved her and promised to be more mommy.

Whenever I think about being a mom and how it felt to be a daughter, I always think about this one incident. It was the saddest night- The man I thought was going to marry me, broke my heart, and the only thing I remember about that night was my Mom spoon feeding me oatmeal on the couch as I struggled to breathe.

That was years ago and obviously things have changed. I have two girls, married an amazingly fun and kind man, who is an awesome father. Things are good – I stay home. I’m lucky to be able to do this but sometimes I feel unfulfilled. I started this blog in January for fun, to document some of the craziness, without any intentions of trying to make money, trying to be funny, or trying to do anything…I like to write and I thought it would be fun, and a way to keep me focused on the little adventures of everyday, instead of worrying what I’m doing wrong and what parent information don’t I know about.

Kind of like shopping in your neighborhood mom and pop shop of mommystuff rather than stepping foot into the enormous Mega Mom store a few towns away where moms have all the latest gadgets, know all the no no’s in infant eating, and have their kids enrolled in the latest trending must do activity like Yoga Brain Balance or something like that. I just find it easier to bake my cookies and bang on pots!

If you have been reading my former posts, you can see I’m a bit all over the place, ideas, projects, plans, stopping them, changing them…running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Clearly, the blog hasn’t been my ticket out of the therapist’s chair.

Curiosity killed the cat

I started out with a few posts and shared them with my friends and it was nice and then a bout of insomnia hit and I started googling Mom blogs and funny Mom blogs, and there were thousands of them, 98, 900, 000 results on google to be exact- ones that had awards on them, featured on well-known sites, blogs with thousands of followers, blogs that were making a penny or two.

I started reading these blogs, some were unbelievable with their crafts and creations, some were useful, and some were funny. A large part of the so called “hilarious blogs,” were shocking …“fucking disgusting, smelly farts, vagina, kids are A-holes, I want to punch you in the face, but cracks….” You get the gist.

I get it, this sort of train wreck writing sells, and people flock to these sites to see the crazy. I have been playing around with the description of my blog and threw in the word crack…last night I changed that. I am not one of those balls out there kind of blogs – Fuck –is a word only used in extreme situations- SORRY DAD! And I’m not going to call my children little A-holes, like a popular blogger out there does. (I may think it…haven’t we all? But I won’t write it).

So I am going to stop snooping around and trying to figure out what sells (as much as I want to post some sexy shots of me in a bikini – hahahaha – Just kidding – Never. People would be sending me diet and fitness books after that for sure!

I’m no Martha Stewart (the extent of my creativity is chocolate covered oreos with googly eyes) and I’m not Mother Theresa with a potty mouth, so from now on, it’s just me sipping my wine, chugging my coffee, munching on Cheez its, hanging with the girls, and making creations like this!