I shouldn’t complain about this but…relaxation is hard!

On May 20, 2014May 20, 2014 By JillIn Mommy Confessions, Mommy Musings6 Comments

I have to admit that I am feeling a little anxious…like pacing the floors, twiddling my thumbs, I even mopped the floor today! ugh… And if anyone remembers an old post about mopping, I HATE mopping- worst chore ever! Isn’t the word chore funny! Reminds me of farmer Jill saying “Do your chores kids…”

Last week was crazy busy… Gia had so many activities, her final show day for gymnastics.

Hawaii Day at school –

Plus I baked oatmeal cookie sandwiches, and chocolate chip Heath Bar blondies! Yum!

Why is it that I pick the weeks that I have to watch the sweets to torture myself with the mouth watering smells of chocolate and butter wafting through my kitchen….my twenty year high school reunion was this past Saturday – but then again, we women have a few tricks up our sleeves to hide those flaws… Unfortunately, the beach is only months away, and yikes! This body Is NOT READY! I seriously need to put the whisk down and stop baking… But I am addicted… I love the baking aisle! I find comfort in bags of chocolate chips, sacks of brown sugar, and flour.

Plus my scrumptious sweets make everyone happy! Well, maybe not everyone – I’m sure they’re those that roll their eyes when they see me coming – oh great, here comes Jill with her fucking cookies! Namely, my husband who would much rather a gourmet meal, but that ain’t gonna happen! Ok, it might…but that’s for the next chapter in life – crazy mom baker falls in love with Cornish Game Hens with rosemary and garlic and Filet Mignon with a Balsamic Reduction …. Mmm, that actually sounds exciting, but scares me…

And what was I even starting this post about… Oh right, anxious, you see, the hectic week has passed, my reunion was last night and it was so much fun, my amazingly helpful in laws were here helping out while I got pampered- nails, pedicure ( the leg massage felt so good that I actually started to cry…does that ever happen to you stressed out women? Like when you finally get to relax or do something for yourself, you just want to let it all out and cry and hug the Korean man or woman – although, they would probably not be too keen on that…

My mom in law finished up and folded all of my laundry! It was so fabulous, not to mention that this was the second weekend in a row they were here… Pure heaven. I got to go out and feel beautiful for two Saturdays in a row!

The strangest thing is going on today, I feel out of sorts… Without purpose – relaxation and I are not friends… Having craziness calm down, feeling kind of empty, and not stressed makes me want to… Scream, eat, worry about the fact that I don’t have any interesting hobbies, feel bored, want to get a job —- hahaha, not really! But, the point is that as a mom, I often feel on auto pilot, catering to their needs, calming their fights, wiping their butts and as much as I dream of a break, once I get it, I don’t know what to do with myself!

The real truth and does anyone know how to stop being a people pleaser?

On May 6, 2014May 6, 2014 By JillIn Mommy Confessions, Mommy Musings, Uncategorized, What's Going On?4 Comments

I would like to tell you the real truth about why I stopped the thirty day happy challenge. Yesterday, I wrote that it was because I already knew that I was joyful. This is still true and I stand by this. Who wouldn’t feel their heart soar with these two…

This was today in Bed, Bath, and Beyond, trying on the hats! We have fun wherever we go!

I wish that being not being happy and positive was MY ACTUAL PROBLEM. It’s pretty damn easy to take pics of the girls, in various settings, and write captions like “yay” and “cute” because they are. Not to mention that it’s so Facebookish! Or rather fakebook, I mean, let’s be honest, we all pick out our best “kodak moments” (wink wink to Mags for this one) and post them up.

case and point – my current profile picture- Don’t we look so happy and such a cute family!

So, I am happy but something is weighing on me like the big feet of an elephant! I have people in my head, constantly, I see their faces and can almost feel their thoughts! I suppose I am the chosen one…right? The girl who is responsible for everyone…

OR so I thought! I have read this and heard this so many times – the fact that most people are not thinking about you.

However, I still have been living, geesh, for as long as I can remember like this…
It sort of sucks!

I wake up, and usually start panicking about my to do list…I always seem to have so much to do… And their is a constant whirl of thoughts going through my brain… Lately it has been about this damn blog, which IS THE MAIN REASON I want to quit it… I just don’t know what to write about, who I should be?

Should I be happy and cheery and make my family happy? I know they feel better when I am cheery, lighthearted, and fun… Should I be tired, drinking, and spent – that is sure to make the sad moms feel better about themselves … Should I be crafty, baking, adventurous? That’s sure to get more web traffic!

And then there’s the baking/ gift giving / social event problem that I have…
Always feel the need to bake, to create perfect gifts, like for teachers, friends, etc…, and worry at social events and parties – am I eating enough of their food? drinking enough? (Well maybe not that one!) Did I bring the right gift… It’s downright exhausting!

You see my predicament! Might as well just eat worms….but I can’t because they’re gross. And I don’t think I’m going to start a new 30 day challenge of how to stop people pleasing and start people annoying, although my husband would love that!

He is the opposite of me and is always encouraging me to disappoint people, say no, and not to give a flying fuck…he’s not a bad guy…I see you all getting this image of a monster… Sending me referrals for a divorce lawyer!

He’s just trying to get me to see things differently… So that’s that – just felt like telling the truth… I have a few people to talk to tomorrow about a few situations…. Going to get to bottom of what people really think about baking, gifts, and perfection! Let’s see what information we come up with…

Feel free to comment now folks! Those of you who read this on Facebook, put in your email and comment… It could help other people pleaser problem people who are reading this!

Day four – Make it, Do it, Love it

On May 2, 2014May 2, 2014 By JillIn Mommy Confessions, Mommy Musings, The Cookie Chronicles, Thirty day challenge - Make it, Do it, Love it, What's Going On?2 Comments

Busy day! Good busy! Spent the morning baking these awesome cookies – Snickerdoodle Surprise! I don’t think that is the official name but that’s what we’re calling them. My brother in law’s girlfriend, Courtney, told me about them and we love them! Always pays to ask someone what they’re baking these days!
The cookies are Snickerdoodles, stuffed with a marble size ball of Cookie Butter!

Obsessed with Cookie Butter

Those who have seen me in the last week know all about Cookie Butter- really goes to show you the power of word of mouth…I am sure at least eight people will be buying this at Trader Joes soon! Yum. Arianna is loving this on her pancakes, which I totally forgot to mention that Tom made these tasty ricotta cheese pancakes, from SCRATCH, of course! and people, just so you know – BISQUICK is not from scratch pancakes! Just because your mixing, doesn’t mean home made!

This is what cookie butter looks like and its close counterpart, Biscoff Spread- picture, care of Courtney!

After I picked Gia up from school, we had two of her friends over! So fun with all of the laughter and playing in the house! Grilled cheese and grapes- felt like such a Brady Bunch moment!

Took Gia to gymnastics and brought her teacher some of the magical cookies! She was thrilled and said it was such a great surprise and was just what she needed today. Ahhh, behold the magical power of cookies, sure to cheer up any mood, just say the word aloud – COOKIE, sounds so sweet and innocent, a simple COOKIE, melts all your troubles away…bringing you back to childhood, mommy’s kitchen, homework at the table, simple joy.

And screeeeeech, stop the fantasy! Many of us were coming home to an empty house, rummaging around in drawers looking for leftover fortune cookies, but hey, at least it was a cookie, right?

Fun playing in the park for a bit after gymnastics, we met more friends ! That makes two new numbers I scored in my phone today for future play dates! I am so damn cute and fun- people just love me…..oh, wait, it was the kids that we’re playing, I’m just their kangaroo … Let’s just say I have a high jump and a big pouch …. Meaning I bring the kids everywhere and have lots of room for making new friends!

Ok, I totally apologize, sometimes I am so odd. Do you know that people used to ask me if I was high years ago and I didn’t even know what that meant! I can be a bit of a space cadet, OH WELL!!! It seems to have gotten me this far!

More on the self control front

Let me tell you about the mouth watering smells in my house today…cinnamon, sugary goodness, buttery grilled cheese…mmm…

Food confessions…

I ate a half of a Reese’s Pieces Brownie (leftover from a batch I made for a friend’s birthday celebration – it was amazing! Two mini peanut butter cups from the half pack that was still in my pantry!
One savory Snickerdoodle surprise cookie, oh that sweet goodness in my mouth! The usual Jill would keep on goin…I mean look at what else I have lurking in my closet. But I stayed strong, a few more not so fab nibbles tonight, couple bites of the kid’s sweet potato fries, a few bites of their leftover grilled cheese, but no major food frenzy!!! Hurray for Jill!

I am a sucker for the Walgreens, dollar deal, just can’t say no to those poor salesclerks. “Will that be all for today? Did you find everything you need today? Do you want to buy the dollar deal of the day?”

OK! OK! I’ll take three!